Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
FOOD & FITNESS / APR. 26, 2015
version 8, draft 8

10 Foods That You Will Never be Able to Eat Again

Junk food is awesome, who doesn’t like to go to the movies and bring themselves to the brink of a diabetic coma, only to bring themselves back with the shock of sodium loaded snack foods that have so much artificial additives that it would be hubris to even call it food. Being an overly-devout Christian, I like to help everyone avoid hubris by showing you what these foods really have in them. Get your stomach ready.

Chicken Nuggets

We’ve all seen the video that’s why I’m getting it out of the way. Fair warning though, this isn’t easy on the ears.

Hot Dogs

Cue evil laughter.

High Fructose Corn Syrup

This stuff is everywhere in bread, soup, soft drinks and sweets. Your body has no idea what to do with it and it readily turns into fat, much more readily than regular old cane sugar.

Coca-Cola

Not only does it have the horrible effect of making kids, the child equivalent of cocaine-d Euro-trash clubbers, but it has so much acid that it can easily clean this incomprehensible dude’s bumper.

Cheese isn’t safe either?

So here it is directly from Kraft, and I have to say the second amateur video is a little more convincing than the one directly from the company, take a look.

And here’s a video of someone trying to burn it, unsuccessfully

Fast Food

OK, you didn’t think it would be on the list? Well you’re wrong and it actually warrants a longer video

Jelly Beans

Yes, the uber-portable, uber tasty sweet treat is made with a few pretty wretched things including insect poop, insect shells, pig skin and animal bones.

You thought chicken was healthy?

Just remember what they looked like on one side and how they came out on the other side.

Deli meats please?

If Chicken isn’t safe, what made you think deli meat was?

Lastly, I’ll  just leave this here

Britney Spears style mike, revealing dress and a call-out to the dress designer, check, check and check. Have fun with this one!

If you’re worried where your next meal is coming from, don’t worry, there are plenty of greens right outside your door (but don’t eat them, you might get violently ill). And I will take no responsibility.

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