Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
STUDENT LIFE / SEP. 01, 2015
version 9, draft 9

10 Superpowers You Acquired in College

For those of you who decided to embark on the incredible journey to higher education, you chose it for one reason and one reason only: to get an edge in life and to open yourself up to more opportunities. Although the stereotype that college is filled with sloppy, drunk young adults who party all night and sleep all day, and doing things they’ll end up regretting, is somewhat true, college students also take in an immense amount of knowledge throughout their years in school.

Future doctors soak in the sciences and study hard in the library. They conduct biology experiments and mix substances in chemistry class. Future journalists practice their research and writing skills. They also practice that signature smile so they are always camera ready. Future forensic scientists are getting their C.S.I. on and learning how to find the bad guys by just analyzing a strand of hair. All of these skills are learned in classrooms with textbooks.

There are also some skills that are learned outside of the classroom. These are things that you probably never thought about as useful skills because they are things that you naturally acquired throughout school. We’ll call these unorthodox skills superpowers because they are exclusively developed by those that attend university. I would also consider them superpowers because they enable the user to do things ordinary people wouldn’t be able to do. Essentially, these skills make you somewhat superhuman. Here are 10 superpowers you acquired in college.

See Also: 10 Things You Will Have To Consider When You’re a Freshman in College

1. Retaining Massive Amounts of Alcohol

Going out every weekend – I mean every night except Monday – took its toll on you. You were sluggish most of the time and had a massive headache every morning. But you were a trooper and when your friends suggested going out again tonight, you jumped at the chance. Your constant outings lead you to develop the ability to guzzle a massive amount of alcohol without passing out, dropping dead, or puking. Not many people can do that.

2. Speed Reading

Your partying days really screwed your memory up. During college, you sometimes forgot that you had a test and studying simply slipped you mind. Other times you forgot to read three chapters from your textbook until the very last minute. All of your mind slips taught you how to read extremely fast, and you are now able to speed read books and retain a good amount of information. The information you learn is only temporary though, unfortunately.

3. Speed Writing

Speed reading and speed writing go hand in hand. When you learned one, you learned the other. You forgot about a lot of essays and speeches in school but, luckily for you, you were able to write superhumanly fast. When you really focused, you could churn out a five-page paper in an hour and a half. Most of it was of course complete bullshit, but at least you turned something in, right?

4. Making Being Broke Look Good

Being a college student was hard, especially when it came to your finances. You had to buy expensive textbooks over buying new clothes. You really wanted those new Jimmy Choos bad, but you were too poor to give yourself a treat. Instead, you mixed and matched your clothes to make them seem new. You were able to make being broke look stylish and it really comes in handy today. It helps you save on more important things, like shots at the bar.

5. Running on Zero Sleep

College students sleeping

Your all-nighters were rough, but you had to do them in order to pass some of your most difficult classes. You would bring snacks, water, and a blanket to the library to make yourself comfortable. You stayed up all night long on multiple occasions and it got easier and easier the more you did it. Your body adjusted to your need of running on little to no sleep at all, and is now able to reignite that function when you don’t get enough sleep post-college.

6. Understanding Different Dialects

You met so many people from different cities and countries in college. At first it was hard to connect with them because they used words and had accents you didn’t even understand, but you eventually got the hang of it. You can’t exactly understand other languages, which would probably be a lot cooler, but you can pick up on dialects from different regions.

7. Sensing a Good Time

The struggle to find the perfect party to go to during college was very real. You didn’t want to waste your money or time going to something that wasn’t fun. As you experienced more and more of college life, you gained the ability to know which parties were going to be a dud and which ones were going to be amazing. You’ve used this superpower multiple times in your post-grad life in order to determine what to do on the weekends.

8. Surviving on Little Food

In case you didn’t figure this one yourself, money was tight in college. You had to choose between buying groceries and buying shots at the bar on the weekend – most of the time you choose the shots, which seemed like a smart choice at the time. But when you didn’t buy groceries, your stomach morphed into something completely different. Your stomach’s transformation allowed you to go for days without an adequate amount of food. You may not have to choose between the bar and food nowadays, but you will be ready if the day ever comes again.

9. Transforming

Going to class in college isn’t the same as going to class in high school. In high school, you actually cared about what you were wearing. You wanted to look cute and had a dress code that dictated what you could and couldn’t wear.

In college, on the other hand, there were no rules. You rolled out of bed and went to class in a dingy T-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants. But when the weekend rolled around, you completely changed your appearance. You mastered the art of transfiguration and became a more beautiful version of yourself. Some people may not have even been able to recognize you. You can change your appearance at any moment and that is a very valuable superpower.

10. Manipulating Authoritative Figures

Do you remember the times you had to completely make up your class presentations because you didn’t do enough research? You knew that everything you were saying was complete nonsense but you spoke with so much confidence that your professor ate it up. You received plenty of As thanks to your ability to talk with confidence, which gave you the power to effectively manipulate an authoritative figure. You’ve recently used this ability when you were negotiating a raise with your boss. Needless to say, you got it.

See Also: 13 Things You Wish You Could Still do After College

You may or may not have realized you possess these extraordinary abilities since you graduated but, now that you know, it’s important for you to use these powers for your selfish benefit. Drink as much as you want because life is too short. Read as fast as you want because there are so many good books to get lost in. Be thrifty and look good doing it. Get what you want because you deserve it. Embrace your superpowers and use them for yourself, because, well, why not?

Have you acquired any other cool superpowers while you were in college? Let us know in the comments section below!

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