Generally when you think about fails your mind immediately goes to Youtube’s terabytes worth of nut-shots, head-shots and fireworks fired out every conceivable bodily orifice. We seldom look to history for fails, even though it is absolutely chalked full of them. So let’s have a bit of fun and take a look at histories funniest fails.
The Great Emu War
Australia is widely accepted as being both unintentionally hilarious and terrifying at the same time. As proof of this concept they have an animal that looks like it was created out of boredom which is basically what would result from a beaver having sex with a duck. Although this animal looks hilariously awkward, it also has a spur on its hind leg that has delivers a painful toxin which results in a fluid filled wound. Even considering that, I was still surprised to see that Australia engaged Emus (large flightless birds like ostridges) with machine guns and actually lost.
The government had given land to former soldiers returning from WWI, but the emu population in the area needed to be quelled to avoid damage to the new farms the soldiers established. The government sent troops with machine guns and on November 8th, 1932 the group sent to kill emus fired 2,500 rounds to kill 200 emus. A few days later the battalion went on another mission killing just 40 of the valiant birds. A month later Major Meredith (the man in charge of the Emu assault) crunched the numbers and worked out that it took 10 bullets to kill each bird, and declared the flightless fowl winners of the conflict.
The Mooning that Killed Thousands
How could a bare bottom result in the death of thousands? Well, a couple of thousand years ago Romans had control of Jerusalem and in anticipation of a flood of Jewish pilgrims for Passover the Romans placed soldiers on the battlements to supervise the influx of believers. One soldier thought he’d show his dislike of Jews by raising his gown, flashing his ass at the people below, while making a farting sound with his mouth. The people became irate and started stoning the soldiers that were stuck high in their battlements. The procurator (a governor of sorts) sent a group of soldiers in retaliation, which resulted in the pilgrims panicking and trying to run through the all too narrow exit of the colonnade. The stampede that followed resulted in the deaths and injury of thousands.
Columbus Finds India! Um, I mean America
Although exalted as the man that found what came to be contemporary history’s greatest power, the original story is a pretty significant fail. Not only was it a fail, but according to historical records Columbus adamantly refused to admit that he had landed on a previously unknown content instead of the East Indies. Going to the absurd lengths of calling the Native Americans and Hispaniola (on the islands of today’s Dominican Republic/Haiti) Natives he encountered Indios, which translates to Indians.
Do you know of any other historical fails that are laugh worthy? Let us know in the comment section below.