Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
WORKING ABROAD / MAR. 16, 2016
version 9, draft 9

4 Items You Should Never Wear at Work

This title is misleading, here’s an example: swimsuit. Sure, in a corporate environment a banana hammock would never be appropriate but what if you’re a lifeguard? A form fitting banana hugging speedo is practically a prerequisite. But what if you work in an office?

See Also: Corporate Fashion Advice from a Deranged Street Preacher

Here’s how to avoid someone saying: What the hell are you wearing (at work)?

1. Rock And Roll

pussycat dolls
mutluduvar

If you are considering wearing anything that would look at home in a 1980s rock stars closet, then it probably isn’t office appropriate. This includes anything see-through, anything fishnet (both top or bottom, anything figure/ crotch hugging, anything that is missing its sleeves and/or nipple covering area and generally, although not the rule: no ass-less chaps. I understand that you want to express your love for those about to rock and under any other circumstances, I would salute you, but on this occasion I don’t want to have to force myself to awkwardly look at the wall behind you because you nipples are out in the open. Sure, free the nipple but on your own time buddy.

2. Fashion Diva

model
Kinomania

Keeping your look up to date can definitely give you an edge, you don’t want to look like a reject from a period movie that takes place all the way back in the 90’s. At the same time you don’t want to look like a haute couture fashion victim. Keep it stylish but tasteful. For example, although it wouldn’t look out of place walking down the boulevard during a Parisian summer, a sheer sundress with matching (and extremely visible undergarments) doesn’t really find a place in the workplace (2 points for rhyming). Also not looking like a reference model for the next Tim Burton movie (see image above) automatically makes you look more professional.

3. Belly, Boobies, Butt

car model
Otoplato

Go to a mirror, take a quick spin…do you see any parts mentioned in title exposed on your person? If yes, go change, if no, go change anyway because you have absolutely no idea what is appropriate. Unless you’re a plumber because I’m starting to assume they buy special pants designed to reveal exactly three inches of crack when they bend over to do anything. Are you a plumber though? No? Then keep the crack for you and your loved ones. That includes front crack as in cleavage. Finally, avoid anything that reveals your belly, I don’t care how organic your diet is or how much you spent on liposuction…save it for the bedroom or the beach…speaking of which.

4. Flip-Flops

businessman wearing flip flops
iStock

Much like the rule about 80s rock stars the same holds true for anything that would look as a part of an attire for a professional beach bum (strangely “bum” and “professional” seems strangely out of sync in the same sentence). This includes sarongs, semi-translucent (or not) linen pants and the favorite foot wear of every girl in the “Greek” system: flip-flops. Tong footwear are not only offensive aesthetically in an office environment they are arguably also acoustically offensive, because who wants to hear you walking around the office with a “sher-lap sher-lap sher-lap sher-lap”. Okay maybe that’s me editorializing, flip-flops aggravate the hell out of me, but editorializing or not there still as unprofessional as drinking Sex on the Beach during lunch break in a tube top.

See Also: Fashion Industry Fails - Zara and Urban Outfitters’ Holocaust Chic

Are there any other items of clothing that should not be seen in an office environment? Let us know in the comments section below.

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