CELEBRITIES / APR. 02, 2015
version 6, draft 6

5 (Dirty) Cristiano Ronaldo Facts

For those of you unfamiliar with Cristiano Ronaldo, he is a paradigm of the modern football player, embodied in equal parts: astounding athlete, male model, celebrity and playboy. He has played for some of the most prestigious football clubs, dated some of the most beautiful women and has been embroiled in controversy and scandal. Here are a few of the saucier moments of Ron’s life.

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He was kicked out of school, for throwing a chair at a teacher

More interested in football than school, the young Ronaldo had some difficulties during his early education. Those difficulties also included not knowing that chairs aren’t intended to fly through the air. At age 14 Ronaldo was unceremoniously kicked out of school because he unceremoniously threw a chair at a teacher that ‘disrespected’ him.

He’s been arrested

In 2005 (when the football star was still in his 20s) was accused of being involved in the rape of a 20 year old woman. The charges were thrown out later due to a lack of evidence. It’s not like he has been the most saintly person…

He likes the women

 

If you were to make a football player action figure it would most definitely have to come with a football as an accessory and a Russian Model girlfriend (with drink throwing action!). Well Ronaldo’s figurine would include that, plus a few other accessories. World renowned for his football skills, he is equally well known for his womanizing ways. His ‘been there done her’ list includes Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Maria Sharapova, Bollywood celeb Bipasha Basu and of course his standard issue footballer Russian Model Girlfriend Irina Shayk.

His game is weak off the pitch

Even though he is as prolific a lover as Casanova, super “”credible source”” (double sarcasm quotes), ex-reality star, socialite, model Jasmine Lennard, said that he wouldn’t approach women himself, but send one of his entourage to flirt. In the same interview she said that he was a quick lover with an impressive ‘Striker’. I want to make a joke about her defenseless ‘penalty box’ but I think it would be in bad taste.

I didn’t chose the Eurotrash life; the Eurotrash life chose me

Come on, even if you’re the ‘ballers biggest fan you’ve got to admit that he looks like you could smell his Cool Water cologne from a city block away. Well, just to add to his image of a trashy euro-bro, it was revealed that he engaged in a post-game orgy, with 5 escorts and 5 of his team-mates. He also has a child as a result of a one night stand with an American Waitress. Man! These football players really know how to celebrate!

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Although this article was dedicated to Ronaldo’s indiscretion (hopefully with a humorist stance) I would like to remind everyone of this man’s immense talent. I think we should also keep in mind that Cristiano had access to vast amounts of both glory and money at a very young age. It’s easy to sit on a high perch and look down, but would any single one of us act differently if we had similar circumstances? Let me know your point of view in the comment section below

 

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