If you’re unfamiliar with David Beckham he is Posh Spice’s husband. If you’re unfamiliar with Posh Spice, firstly shame on you and secondly she was the hottest member of mid-to-late 90s bubble-gum pop band the Spice Girls. Oh, maybe I should also mention that Beckham is to soccer (football or whatever you Europeans want to call it) Jared Leto is to acting.
Yes, Jared Leto is an actor while also being a sexy Jesus stand-in. Why do I draw the comparison between the two you ask? Well even though they both have the ability of not just dropping but literally vaporizing panties by just think about them, courtesy of their Adonic sexiness, they are also immensely talented in their field of choice. Here are some lessons that can be learned through David Beckham’s long and hot soccer (or football Gosh! Fine!) career.
See Also: 5 (Dirty) Cristiano Ronaldo Facts
Being Hot Helps Promotion
Being an athlete that is a modern day Apollo has its advantages. First off it gets you noticed and no matter what you choose to do with your future getting noticed is advantageous, unless you’re a slacker that likes to sleep on top of boxes in walk-in cooler, using a bag of hamburger buns as a pillow.
From personal experience I can vouch for the versatility and comfort of hamburger buns as pillows. But Beckham on the other hand probably can’t he is so attractive that I’m going to assume that he perpetually used the ample bosoms of his adoring female fans as pillows. Until he married Victoria, his wife. I’ll just leave that there and let you draw your own conclusions.
Speaking of Victoria, it helps if you want to be a megastar athlete to marry someone else with star status. At the height of the Spice Girls’ popularity, sometime in the 90s (you really want me to search: When Posh Spice met Beckham? Yeah..um.. I’d like to kindly tell you to F off) Victoria and David met.
Soon after the media went bat-sh*t-stranger-hugging insane with the combination of the U.K.s favorite things, super sexy corny pop music stars and hot football stars. Had the amalgamation been dipped in Earl Grey I’m pretty sure that the U.K. would go into societal collapse every time the couple ventured out into public.
Acquire Endorsements Acquire Currency
If you opened a British Dictionary to the word, marketability, you would probably find the above image of Beckham staring back at you. I know right?! The British are super into their memes?! Moving beyond my blatant facetiousness, Beckham has become the poster child for well…posters.
David has been seen on ads for [taking a deep breath] Adidas, Pepsi, Armani, Breitling, H&M, Diet Coke (why Mr. Beckham! are you playing both sides of the cola pitch?), Samsung, Walt Disney, Burger King, Adventure on Soccer Island, David Beckham Soccer and even has his own brand of fragrances. Phew, I almost passed out!
He has also appeared with his wife Victoria in revealing sensuous ads for Armani underwear. According to Ask Jeeves! Which Google says is a search engine, Beckham is the third most searched term by Britons with Brittany Spears at number one and Osama Bin Laden at number two. He was level with last year’s third most searched term which was Ebola.
Move Continents, Frequently
So maybe this is a matter of semantics because Beckham only moved continents twice, but he has had a pretty international career. He’s obviously played for British teams including Manchester United, but beyond that he has graced French, Spanish, Italian and American pitches and has played in three World Cups. He even has the distinction of being the only English football player to score in all three World Cups he has participated in.
Unrelated but pretty entertaining is when he was blamed by most of England for getting the National team knocked out of the quarter-finals of the World Cup. Famously the Daily Mirror printed a dart-board with his face on it, and a pub had an effigy of Beckham hung outside its door. The disdain went as far as Beckham receiving death threats after the National team’s exclusion. Shortly after this, as the Captain of England’s nation team, he was instrumental in destroying Germany 5-1 and qualifying his team for the 2002 World Cup.
Become a Fashion Icon
Known as the Ultimate Metrosexual by the man that actually penned the term, Beckham has become an archetype that is impossible to mimic for every other eurodouche footballer cum celebrity (I’m looking at you Cristiano).
To be a fashion icon you must experiment, and some experiments are less successful than others. Such unfortunate forays include wearing a Mirt (a male skirt, come on people!) and the infamous black and white. The white saw Mr. Beckham rocking a white suit that would be at home in Pit-Bull music video. The black was when he and hot wife Victoria showed up wearing matching black leather Versace jumpsuits that would be at home...um…well in an S&M club (yeah, that seems about right).
Yeah, because how can you be a respectable fashion icon if you’re not covered in indelible, permanent (and potentially passé) pieces of art? Well, tell me, how can you? His tattoos have been a point of contention for his body’s fans.
OK, maybe I should explain this. You have two types of Beckham fans, the ones that admire him as an athlete that represented England in international organizations and then you have the fans that want to bone him. Yeah, you read that right. Much like any attractive celebrity Beckham has a set of fans that completely overlook his athletic prowess and talents because, according to these fans: “He’s soooo hawwwwt”.
See Also: 7 Career Lessons From Barney Stinson
Do you have any other pearls of wisdom to share with your fellow readers? Well, if you’re a world-renowned athlete with more accolades than body hair feel free to let us know in the comment section below.