Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
SALARIES / JUN. 05, 2015
version 9, draft 9

8 Bizarre Ways to Fatten Your Wallet

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So it’s the fifth of the month and you’ve already spent your salary bingeing on whipped cream and disposable oven tins. You are desperate for money and you need it as soon as possible, but where to go and what to do? After all, no one is eager to hire someone with an oven tin and whipped cream addiction. Well, worry not, my quirky friend: these are a few jobs that are so far off the beaten path that you might get lost in the weird woods. Here are 10 bizarre ways to augment your income.

See Also: Killer Jobs! 10 Most Deadly Professions

1. Popup casino owner

This should fit your propensity for illegal activity and your love for kneecapping people with an aluminum baseball bat. Charities, social organizations and Companies often organize cashless casino nights to raise funds for their organizations or their causes. All you have to do is buy a few folding tables, some felt table top casino game mats (craps, blackjack and roulette should cover you), and find customers. You can charge your customers for renting the games and tables, setting up, and even running the games. You could make a couple of hundred bucks in just a few hours. If you want a little more moola, just set up an illegal no-limit poker table in the back room. There you go; I just doubled your income.

2. Body Parts Model

Are you a Frankenstein-ish mix of extremely attractive parts and the homeliest of homely body parts? Well, worry not: they’ll just crop your ungainly large cheeks out of the image. If you have any qualms about exposing the most attractive part of your body (which you proudly claim is the inside of your elbow), know that body parts models get paid $1,000 per TV commercial and around $2,000 to $5,000 for printed advertisement, which is probably a lot more that what you get paid at your day job. So, lose the long cow birthing gloves, and make yourself some money with a nice hand job. What? That sounded funny…

3. Bone Cutter

Speaking of Frankenstein, if you aren’t squeamish, this might be the perfect side gig for you. Research and medical centers are constantly hiring temp workers to cover the needs of (mundane, in most cases) work associated with their research. The educational requirements aren’t prohibitive either, meaning even an undergraduate student can make a little bit of scratch doing it. Of course, you could be exposed to infectious disease, bodily fluids of every type, dangerous chemicals, and tasks that would make the most courageous amongst us squirm. One of the most unnerving ones I ran across was a gentleman that prepared bone for transplants. That came from cadavers.

4. Golf Course Scarecrow

Ah, golf! Golf is the boring game of the elite that facilitates Good Ol’ Boy-style management, and puts anyone that doesn’t have a country club membership at a disadvantage, compared to their country club member peers. Keeping the grounds so lush and green involves excessive (and environmentally destructive) amounts of water, ruining large swaths of natural habitats, and alienating anyone that doesn’t perpetually dress in Polo shirts. In an another unnecessary excess, it also hires individuals to scare birds off of golf courses as they eat the grass and leave excrement, and if there’s only one thing rich and poor people have in common, it’s their disdain for excrement. Anyhow, if you have very little dignity and social standing, you can chase birds off of golf courses for a little bit of extra “scratch”. Just don’t turn into Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

5. Virtual Real Estate Agent

Yes, you read that right: a virtual real estate agent is a feasible side profession and there are actually a few people that do it as their primary profession. Maybe I should explain what it is first: a virtual real estate agent sells land, houses and clubs within a videogame/life simulator. Online games such as Eve and Second Life have their own currency which you can buy and sell with, and then transfer it into real currency. Because you might not be able to afford a 16-bedroom McMansion in real life… Let’s be honest here: you can’t afford a 16-bedroom anything, anywhere, even in a video game.

6. Professional Hitchhiker

Environmental policies have changed in recent years to the point where governments are rewarding the environmentally minded with a few kickbacks, one of which is access to a carpool lane from anyone that has more than two people in their car. The carpool lane is usually less congested and thusly faster than the other lanes, resulting in many people to start ‘hiring’ passengers so they’re able to take advantage of that fact.

7. Bike Fishers

This one is heavily location-dependent, as in you can only do it in basically one city in the world: Amsterdam. Here’s a very, very simple and intuitive equation for you sharp folks: the Dutch generally move around on bikes, they enjoy their world famous Heineken beer, and they have legalized marijuana. What happens when those elements are combined in a city which is crosshatched with canals? Exactly: lots and lots of bikes of inebriated riders end up at the bottom of said canals. Well, with an average between 12,000 and 15,000 bikes found in the canals per year, you’re looking at a nice large check from the metal scrap yard. Sure, you won’t be able to do it as efficiently as the guy in the video, but I’m sure you’ll still make a bit of cash. Added bonus is that you might even be able to find a couple of workable bikes and sell them!

8. Toques

If you find yourself south of the proverbial border, low on cash, and with a pocketful of batteries, then you might just have enough things to become a toque. What are toques, you ask? They are individuals which walk around with small battery-operated boxes and they administer a shock to their customers for $2 to $4 a zap. Some believe that it can help sober you up quicker; others think it wakes you up and invigorates you. Ultimately, this joy is watching people clench their faces as they receive the toque (touch) – even better if it’s the Backstreet Boys (fast forward to the 1:15 mark to avoid all the boring crap).

See Also: What If Super Villians Worked Menial Jobs

Do you know any other side job that you could make a little extra money with? Let us know in the comment section below.

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