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STUDENT LIFE / OCT. 14, 2015
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9 Ways to Survive College Without Drinking

College and beer – they go together like peanut butter and jelly, don’t they? College students have basically become total alcoholics, and binge-drinking has become a real social issue. So you don’t exactly want to become another statistic, and you want to actually remember your college experience. The fact that you’ve decided not to indulge in alcohol doesn’t matter. People might think you’re a bit weird, but that’s okay. You’d rather be weird than hung-over every single day. You do need a survival guide, though, or you’ll get eaten alive. Here are some ways to survive college without drinking. You can do it, we promise.

See Also: How to Drink Responsibly at Work

1. Become a Joiner

Okay, maybe don’t join every single group or club on campus. That might be going a bit overboard. But if you’re not going to be bonding with your fellow students over the wonders of gin and tequila, you’re going to have to socialize in other ways. It’s pretty important to feel like a part of your campus whether you live in a (crappy) dorm with an annoying roommate or you’re a commuter and are still living at home (which sucks, but hey, you need to save some cash). When the glory days of college are over and you enter the workforce, you’re going to be dealing with some pretty irritating coworkers, so consider joining clubs and dealing with all kinds of people.

2. Nerd Out

Hey, you’re only young once (unless time travel is invented and that probably isn’t likely). And you’re only in college once. These four years are going to fly by and then you’re going to be learning how to be an adult which you may or may not succeed at. Not many people do, so don’t be surprised if you can’t figure out how to be a grown-up either. Once you’re a real grown-up with a job and everything, you won’t have time for weird hobbies or interests. So take advantage of college and study your little heart out. You already feel pretty weird about yourself since you’re not drinking, and people who don’t drink don’t exactly fit in during college. So why not fully embrace your geek status and take some random classes that spark your curiosity?

3. Have a Sympathy Hangover

Your roommates and new friends are going to have some serious hangovers. It’s college, after all, and people love to drink to total and utter excess. You can have a sympathy hangover if you pull some all-nighters. Staying up all night and studying will get you awesome grades but will also make you feel super exhausted and basically hung-over, so you can still fit in without drinking.

4. Lie About Why You Can't Drink

Say you’re allergic to alcohol and will die on the spot if you have even a tiny sip of beer. The more creative your excuse for not being a college-aged alcoholic, the better. Your decision not to drink won’t exactly be super popular, but you can gain popularity by making people laugh. Even if they think you’re joking, they’ll still think you’re cool and smart, and you’ll win them over.

5. Join a Fraternity or Sorority

Wait a second… Don’t frats and sororities have some pretty crazy parties that involve tons and tons and tons of alcohol? Well, yes. That’s definitely true. But that’s why you definitely need to join one. You can be the designated driver (or walker) and help your fellow students who have one (or four) too many. People will appreciate and love how kind and caring you are, and you’ll make some friends and be part of a solid community in the process.

6. Get an Awesome Internship

Okay, that’s a lie. No internship is awesome. They basically all suck because you’re not getting paid and what’s more, people tend to treat interns like total crap. It’s like a law of the working world or something. But you’ll be gaining some pretty important experience that will help you get a job after college. The job market sucks, after all. What would you rather do – get super drunk every day/night, or prepare for your future? I thought so. No boss likes it when their employee comes into work with a massive hangover, whether their employee is technically a college-aged intern or a so-called adult, so that’s another good reason to avoid alcohol.

7. Pretend to Drink at Parties

College is basically filled with parties. You could probably find a party every single night on every single university campus in North America or the UK. Just because you don’t want to drink doesn’t mean you shouldn’t attend these gatherings, though, right? You still want to be cool and have friends and all that good stuff. Just be strategic about it. Learn how to fake drink. It’s an art form, I tell you, and if you become really good at it, you’ll fool everyone. Plus, the kids around you will be drunk anyway, so their powers of observation will be a bit fuzzy. There are a few different tactics you can try, some grosser than others (like taking a sip and then spitting it into a nearby cup or garbage can or sink when no one’s watching). You’ll figure it out.

8. Throw Your Own Parties

Whether you live in a super cramped dorm room with a terrible roommate, you’re still in your childhood bedroom, or you’re lucky enough to have scored an awesome off-campus apartment, you can save your reputation by throwing your own parties. No one will notice that you’re not enjoying the keg you just bought if you’re the person known for the most awesome parties ever. Genius tactic, right?

9. Create the Next Facebook

We all know that Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook while he was a student at Harvard. Why don’t you do the same thing? Create an app or website, and become super popular and well-known. You’ll be setting yourself up for future success by basically creating your own job, plus you’ll make tons of money (probably). Who doesn’t want that? No one even noticed if Zuckerberg drank or not at college; they were too focused on his awesome idea that would take the world by storm. Think how many brain cells you still have left because you haven’t killed them all thanks to beer and vodka. You can definitely create something awesome.

See Also: Top 10 Stupid Things You Are Doing in College That You’ll Always Regret

College is supposed to be the best four years of your young life – or is that high school? Anyway, your brief foray into the world of higher education is full of annoying roommates, mean professors, and piles and piles of boring readings – not to mention more than a few wild and crazy parties. Are you brave enough to go through all four years of college without drinking? I think you definitely are. With these ways to survive college without help from Jack Daniel’s, you’ll be totally prepared for whatever comes your way. Instead of feeling like you’re going to die because of some kegger you went to the night before, you’ll actually be able to enjoy your college experience, and that’s priceless (even if you’re going into debt as we speak, thanks to rising tuition costs).

Can you think of any other ways to survive college without drinking? Perhaps you have your own tips you’d like to share! Let us know in the comments section below!

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