Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
JOB SEARCH / JAN. 29, 2015
version 3, draft 3

A Survivalists Guide To The New Job Market

Although the market is sitting stably at 5.8% unemployment rate, the financial tsunami that will sweep away jobs by the thousands might be lingering in the future. You have to protect yourself because one day you might be straightening your tie in front of the mirror and the next day be filling out an unemployment form. As every survivalist knows if you are ready for the worst you can hold on until you find civilization or are rescued, you just have to hold on long enough. At least you won’t have to eat worms in this scenario, unless your interviewer wants you to. This is a survivalist guide to the new job market.

First Aid

In the savage wilderness it is a necessity to have some sort first aid kit. Depending on how much of an outdoorsman/woman you are, a piece of bark can be used both as a band-aid and a pillow. In the new job market the same holds true. Your first aid kit is an unending stack of resumes. If you get a painful rejection, slap a resume on that gaping wound and move on. Maybe stop at the bar for a little consolation prize, and when I say consolation I mean a double scotch neat.

Water

A human can survive without food for three whole weeks, but don’t have a drink of water for 3 days to a week and you’ll start feeling the cold hand of the Reaper scratching at your shoulder. For the un-poetic amongst us here, that means you die. If I was to create a loose metaphor between surviving in the wilderness and navigating the job market, which I am if you haven’t been keeping up, then water is inertia. You need to keep hunting for jobs, keep putting your resume out there, and generally keep moving. If you stop, in a week you’ll be sitting in front of your Xbox silhouetted by an outline of popcorn bits, fast food wrappers and overdue bills.

Shelter

Sheltering yourself is key and again using my extraneous metaphor, shelter is mentally preparing you for interviews, anxiety and anticipation. When you build your mental teepee it will keep you happy, motivated and allow rejection to roll right off it. If you do a hack-job of it though, when the first rain comes, it will turn into a pile of sticks.

Independence

It is widely known that humans are intrinsically social beings. If you’re stranded in the wild though every single person you add to your group will put additional strain on the resources available. Don’t seek support but find the strength in yourself to push on. On the other hand if everything goes to hell in a hand-basket an extra person could be an impromptu meal.

Food

The real world equivalent to grubs are microwavable dinners, and as someone unemployed, or underemployed you eat a lot of them. It does keep you going but you also don’t want to live on that forever. The way to get yourself rescued and get away from microwavable dinners exclusive diet is to manage to find a job.

Are you a job market survivalist? Are there any points that I didn’t touch upon? We’ll let us know about them in the comment section below, you could be saving a life.

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