Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
JOB SEARCH / AUG. 01, 2015
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Completely Unsexy Realities of Being a Phone Sex Operator

Sexy Woman on Phone
redearthgoddess

Turn on the Barry White, dim the lights and call 1-800-CHUBS. You like calling sex lines don’t you, you dirty nasty girl or boy…excuse me for not being able to tell your sex, I can’t really see you. Well, guess what! If you haven’t figured out from the title, I’m about to completely destroy and decimate the sexiness of working as a Phone Sex Operator. Yeah, just like that….

See Also: How to Become a Sex Machine: Crazy Practical Tips for a Playboy Career

Who uses sex lines anymore?

Old man movie

ME I USE THEM!

morphinlegacy

It almost seems like a distant dream of a by-gone era. The commercials/soft porn vids that would come on during late night t.v. asking you what you like, how hot you like it and which direction you like it. Do they still exist? Excuse me as I extrapolate for a second and assume because of that sex chat lines are really slow nowadays. But, sitting in a room in awkward silence as one co-worker breaths heavily and asks if the person on the other end line likes it this way or that way seems pretty damn unsexy in my book. Of course, different kinks for different freaks right?

No seriously! Who uses sex lines anymore?

Fat Bastard

MEEEE!!!!

dailytech

Again I’m basing this point on the fact that sex lines are all but dead today, meaning the only people that use them are people that don’t know how to use the internet. OK, I know your reading my article and I really, truly appreciate that, but stop for a moment and think about who in your immediate circle doesn’t know how to use the internet…yes, that’s right your grandpa. What is more unsexy than that? Your grandpa telling some poor girl trying to pay for college where he would like to put what and how…while masturbating….a masturbating grandpa. Hey you came to this article this is no responsibility of mine…I’m getting paid to do this to you…

Call Center

Elderly Woman on Phone

Oh, Hun, that’s adorable....now tell me what you’re going to do to me!

widex

That’s basically what phone sex lines are, customer service and satisfaction (wink, wink) call centers. Can you think of a single type of work environment that is un-sexier? You can’t? Well, you might want to get that looked at. Just imagine that sexy vixen or vixer (that the male version of vixen right?) in corporate attire, wearing an ungainly black headset and sipping cold coffee. Oh, my God, dude stop touching yourself I wasn’t describing that to help you get off!

It’s all in the delivery

Red Head Short Hair

I’m a sexy red head....

huffingtonpost

Unlike other types of sex work, the only thing you need to have to be a sex line operator is a pretty voice. And according to some people that have worked in the field of auditory grandpa stimulation the turn of phrase “he/she has a face for radio” could easily be “he/she has a face for sex line operator work”.

Yeah, I’m sorry to break it you Shultz, but what you hear coming through your phone is far from the sick mental image you have created. The people on the other line are regular shlubby Average Joes or Janes that sit for eight hours a day, which last time I checked isn’t a great exercise for squeezable gluts. This will bring me to my next regrettable point.

The Panty Parade

Phone and Underwear

Alright I’ll send you "my" underwear

slate

So many of the customers want a bit more bang for their buck, and when I say bang I mean….well bang. Of course, that’s a good way to get yourself on the back of a milk carton or on the missing persons list. The usual concession though is to send the creeper… I mean clients a piece of lingerie, remember how I said a lot of them are…um, pretty average?  

Well, imagine telling your creeper…I mean client, why do I keep doing that? That you are a petite blonde college student when in fact you’re a….let’s say gravitationally challenged lady, with just one of your boobs weighing as much as a petite blonde college student. Well you go out and you buy underwear that would fit the women you described (petite college student) and you send the creeper…God Dammit….I mean client the skivvies that you wouldn’t be able to use as a wristband. Super sexy right?

Most are Moms

Elderly Woman

Yes, yes I’m very young sonny....

investingcaffeine

Well, according to a Huffington Post article the amount of Mom’s working in the sex industry has increased by 400%. So statistically speaking, if you call a sex line enough times you’ll eventually end up talking to Timmy’s Mommy. I know you might find that pretty sexy with the whole MILF thing. But come on do you really want to think that your fake virtual and unseen sexual partner on the phone is only doing that so that she can buy lil’ Mickey a PS4 for Christmas…

All of them are Fake

White Woman Behind

Oh yeah, baby I’m a slim African American woman......

huffingtonpost

Part of the appeal of phone sex operators is that they are completely anonymous. How do you think they achieve that? With elaborate voice masking machines and algorithms that doesn’t allow their name to be uttered over the phone? Nope, they lie and man do they lie well. As I mentioned above when we were talking about unmentionables, they lie about their weight, looks, social standing, hair (both above and below the equator) and even their name! OH THE HUMANITY! It makes sense though they do that to protect themselves and make sure a client doesn’t pull them away into the forest by the hair after work.   

 The Money

Cartoon Woman with Money

ALRIGHT MONEY!!! and I didn’t have to put anything anywhere...I just had to say I did

thecraftyretailer

So you want to hear something equally unsexy? The person on the other side of your grunting and heavy breathing is probably making five times what you are. Honestly, phone sex operators can make up to $50 an hour, and that is definitely not chump change, chump. Sorry I called you chump, but you do realize that calling one of those lines is like $4 an minute right? Never mind how I know that, this isn’t about me.

Sometimes it’s at home

Phone Sex

Oh, baby, I’m naked in my sex swing right now

funnyordie

With Skype and other voice over I.P. services many phone sex operators currently work at home. Before you get excited though ponder this: tell me, dear reader, what do you wear when you have no intention of leaving home for eight straight hours? Sweat pants, a ratty holey t-shirt and the biggest most comfortable underwear you own right? OK, I’ll just stand here for a minute while I let that seep in.

OK, so what do you think phone sex operators wear when they don’t have to leave home for eight hours. I’ll give you a hint: sweatpants, a ratty holey t-shirt and the biggest damn underwear you can imagine. The type of underwear that if you pulled it up to your shoulders you could wear it like a leotard. The type of underwear that Bear Grylls would salvage to use as a night-time shelter…the type of underwear your grandma wears…is that sexy enough or are you thirsty for more?

See Also: The Professional Benefits of SEX

Have you worked as a sex line operator? What was your experience? Was it sexy or just work? Let me know in the comment section below!

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