We are completely and utterly spoiled; we spend hours upon hours watching movie heroes having amazing adventures, slay the worst of the worst villains and even get the girl. But, we live in a mundane eggshell beige world, completely devoid of explosions, sparkling cracks of magic and real bad guys. Sure we have the type of bad-guys that will stab you for a twenty dollar bill and your three-year-old iPhone, but they have no flair, no pizazz, it’s just: stab stab, f*ck you man. Can we hope or dream that our humdrum reality will ever approximate the wondrous realities we see on the silver screen? Well, sure maybe if you’re slightly disturbed and not afraid to become a social pariah. Anyway, this is how to destroy your daily routine with life lessons from Harry Potter.
Dress the Part
Sure you can mix it up at the office with a splash of color courtesy of stripped socks or a tie with fish printed on it, but to really and utterly destroy your daily routine your are going to have to up the ante. Remember those awesome Quidditch robes Harry Potter and his crew wore when they were flying around with brooms between their legs? Well, why don’t you prove to everyone at the office that you are a fashion forward thinker, that takes risks to look good? Or you could even follow Severus Snape’s cue and don a floor-length completely black robe to look intimidating and brooding. Whatever option you choose, just remember moderation is mundane; insanity is the only accessory that you really need.
Look For Trouble
One thing that the members of the Potter crew know for sure is that trouble doesn’t just come to you, you have to dedicate time and effort for that exciting near-death experience. In the real world most things that are as death-defying, are also illegal, so you might have to be creative. Instead of looking for a giant snake that kills with just one look, or petrifies the victim if it doesn’t look directly at it, try stopping the office pigeon problem.
It involves disgusting winged creatures, high precipices and the danger of death, if not by the actual pigeons by the salmonella you might contract from them, or a fall after being startled by numerous pigeons taking flight at once. If that still doesn’t get the adrenaline pumping try wooing the office grump, they are irritable, hate human interaction (actually they hate humanity in general) and will likely stab you with a letter opener if you insist on taking them out for coffee.
Go Straight to The Top
Listen hierarchy and protocol are for the slack jawed population of the cubicle farm. Your cubicle is the lair of a talented and headstrong wizard and although normally you would go through your boss, then your boss’ boss and then your boss’ boss’ boss to talk to your company’s head honcho, if you circumvent that and bust into his office announcing “I’m the One” he/she will undoubtedly befriend you in a strangely homoerotic, platonic, Electra complex relationship.
You might even propose that the Big Kahuna of the company go the extra mile and dress in a light blue nightgown and cap to emulate good ole Dumbledore’s wardrobe from the movie. He/She will definitely be OK with that, after all they knew all along that you are The One.
Marketing is Basically the Ministry of Magic
What is more magical than marketing, they take abstract concepts such as “reach, audience, target market and branding” and turn them into money. That means that they are undeniably magical no matter how many times the in-house graphic designer tells you that the moving images are spliced together videos of the corporate retreat.
Go and explore the marketing department you will eventually stumble upon the Department of Mysteries or the Hall of Prophecy (which is the server room, do not under any circumstance use magic in the server room….). If you accidentally stumble upon a hidden sex swing or tickle room, make sure no one saw you and leave immediately.
Have a Nemesis
Another reason the everday routine might be boring is because not many people have nemeseses. Nemeses? Anyway, they don’t have a Nemesis. As seen in countless movies, every protagonist hero needs a nemesis to keep the plot moving along at a brisk pace, if they didn’t what would the movie show? The hero sitting around with friends drinking coffee and talking about their day? No, they wouldn’t because that movie would never be made. So find someone that grossly irritates you, the type of person that makes you want to punch them in the face every time you see them.
No, not your reflection doesn’t count it needs to be an actual person. Now that you have that try to give them a reason to hate you, like killing the collection of small plants they have on their desk, or maybe repeatedly pouring laxative into their coffee…that should get them going (and stop giggling I see how that sounded now). Eventually the situation will escalate to the point where they will come after you, and you will have to triumphantly stand up for yourself (but with a band of friends backing you up). Be careful, though, never completely defeat your nemesis because then you’ll just be back at square one, killing plants and putting laxatives into coffee.
Get the Girl/Guy
This is the most tired, overused trope, but always exciting at the same time. Once you victoriously restore order to the office, you can legally stake claim to your love interest. If they resist just tell them that this is the way things work, I fight and we make love. That’s in almost every movie ever made…well, maybe not the Exorcist as it was a bunch of priests and an under-aged possessed girl…but you see where I’m going with this right? Anyway, make sure your love interest knows their obligations towards their valiant hero and you should be fine. If you get pepper-sprayed, that’s just an extra indication that he/she likes you!
Do you use movies to mix up your day? Let us know in the comment section below…don’t worry we won’t turn you in for pigeon abuse.