WEB & TECH / APR. 01, 2015
version 3, draft 3

Dumbest Vehicle Related Inventions

On one faithful day one of our primitive ancestors saw what I assume was an early predecessor to the horse and said: ‘Why the hell is I using my own feet to walk this stupid frozen tundra, I’ll just ride that thing.’ and thus transportation was born. This process I’m sure took a lot more trial and error than what I described here, with a lot of biting, kicking and maiming of early people that wanted to go faster. I assume as much, because even when we had viable (much safer and less bitey) means of transportation people still insisted on trying to find the next big thing in conveyance. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, the next big thing was a lot worse than what already existed. Here are the dumbest vehicle related inventions.

See Also: Crazy Kickstarter Campaigns (that actually got funded)

The Monowheel et al

People started realizing pretty quick that the more wheels on your vehicle, the more stable your transportation platform will be. The title et al refers to the fact that there have been so many iterations of this bone-headed idea that it makes you wonder why the World is over-populated. Even so, some individuals seem hell-bent on ditching the stable 2+ wheel model for a single wheel. After all, who needs stability when you can have a harrowing death-defining experience every time you step into your contraption, which lacks any of the trivial amenities of its multi-wheeled brethren like being able to carry things and traveling at speeds faster than a bicycle? An added benefit though is because you have only one wheel for acceleration, braking and steering, any change in speed or direction becomes a balancing act of imminent death/fiery collision!

Flying cars et al

Just like the previous entry, this is another transportation innovation that has had many variations and versions. Sure this one actually makes sense considering it bridges the gap between fast air-travel and slower yet more accessible car travel. However, in practice a car/airplane hits a few ‘snags’. One such snag is that it’s really challenging to attach wings to a car and still keep its footprint or width appropriate for road-travel. Another small issue is that fact that cars weren’t made to plummet towards the earth from hundreds of feet in the air. And let’s be honest with ourselves the example below isn’t exactly an airplane car; it’s an airplane that folds like a swiss army knife.

Personal Vehicles

Initially, the only mock-worthy dork-mover was the Segway (which also has the illustrious title of killing its inventor, via driving off-cliff action). If you don’t know what a Segway is, it’s a two-wheeled platform with a push scooter like handlebar that is self-balancing. Since its inception, many others have jumped on the bandwagon, with skateboard and unicycle variation. They all go way too slow, and all make you look ridiculous.

Amphibious Cars/Person movers

Again on paper this seems ingenious. You can’t traverse water in a car or other terrestrial form of transportation, and you can’t traverse a pavement in a boat. Put the two together and boom! You have something that isn’t a great car and isn’t a great boat.

See Also: 5 Professions Trending 2200 A.D.

Are there any other mutant forms of transportation that you might want to add to my list? Let me know in the comment section below.

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