Some people gain infamy for their academic prowess, their prowess on the battlefield and in the political arena. Their accomplishments are documented in the gilded tomes of history, revered by future generations. Then you have a select few that have gained infamy because of their prowess well….between the sheets.
See Also: How to Use Sex As A Power Play
The Mysterious Spiritual Healer and confidante of the Tsar’s Court, the infamous monk was said to have a 12 inch….well, how do I put this lightly…not so tiny Tsar. Yes, Rasputin was allegedly the proud owner of a foot long shlong. Some sources say that he loved to use it too, shooting his way into the court as the Tsarinas confidante, he might have been dealing a bit of the Big One to the Tsarina as well. As the Tsar once said “Better one Rasputin than ten fits of hysterics a day” hysterics back then folks were considered cured by female masturbation. If you don’t believe me, click on the link.
A little later on, a letter that the Tsarina wrote to Rasputin said that she wanted to sleep in his embrace forever. When he wasn’t being a spiritual and sexual healer to about two dozen ladies of Russia’s high society, he could be found in the Capital’s bars and cafes drinking cheap wine and cavorting with cheap women.
Eventually he was assassinated and castrated and his “not so tiny Tsar” ended up traveling the world and even disappearing completely for a while. It ended up in the hands of his maid who kept it…..get it “in the hands.” Then a group of Russian women living in Paris fell upon it…get it…fell upon it and they used it as a fertility talisman or holy relic. It finally came to rest with his daughter Marie…ew, ew, ew. Why would you even want your father’s penis…I mean I understand if it was his walking stick or cross but his penis?!! This is definitely a girl with daddy issues.
If there is one person you could consider a sex hero it would be none other the man that lent his name to any skeevy, disgusting womanizer, but did you know that he intended initially to become a priest? Yes, I know if there is a list of completely unsexy jobs priests and poop shoveler would be in the top two spots. None the less the man synonymous with frivolous fornication wanted to be a man of the cloth.
How does that decision even change? I mean do you sit on the church’s steps and say: “Will I dedicate my life to the true lord and savior Jesus Christ….man look at that hot piece of a**. You know what screw that pastoral sh*t” ‘Nova here also sowed his wild oats (and seed) all around Europe because of his gambling habit. Oh, and his infamous prolific conquests? They might have been fabrications as the book that lists them were written by none other than ‘Nova, maybe he was trying to score a spanking, look I don’t know what weird sh*t people were into back then.
Marquis De Sade
This is the man that invented S&M…his books were full of fondling, tying, whipping and other dirty tidbits. Even though his fiction was like an encyclopedia of perversion his real life wasn’t that mild either. He bedded his sister-in-law, he had an actual sex slave that he locked in a tower and killed 2 of his male servants with an aphrodisiac called Spanish Fly that inflames the penis for maximum erection, an erection so hard, it’s to die for (too soon, I’m sorry I’m a bit premature sometimes).
If you’re delicate eyes have had enough then hold on to your prudency folks. Even though he boned her sister; his wife later joined in the fun and helped him fill their home (that was technically a castle he was a Marquis after all) with “employees” of both genders. If you’re wondering about the quotation marks it’s because I don’t know if you call someone an employee if your hire them to do them…maybe it’s just semantics, maybe they should be called prostitutes. Potatoe potato.
No! Wait! Don’t leave! Listen Einstein might be one of the most recognizable people in the history of physics, but he was also a F.R.E.A.K. After burning through his first marriage and having a couple of kids Einstein decided that this social rule of “not having sex with relatives” was boring so he started hitting on his first degree maternal cousin (they had the same grandma). Just to make it even freakier she also happened to be his second degree paternal cousin (seems like someone else in Einstein’s family enjoy tapping the ole family tree).
Come on! You should have known that making it a fine art to talk about doing the nasty would’ve been a monster of sexual conquests. He was a Romantic author for Pete’s sake, back when poetry was still cool and could get you laid! Byron was yet another person on this list that didn’t mind bending back a branch or two of his own family tree and was even romantically involved with his half-sister while she was married.
If you want to dispatch a Catholic Priest or someone from Kentucky’s Bible belt just tell them that, the immense amount of sin in that single sentence should give them an aneurysm. He enjoyed both the company of men and women and held sexual congress frequently with whichever gender tickled him at the specific moment. After some trouble and debt, Byron went to Switzerland met Mary Shelley (of Frankenstein fame), her husband Percy and promptly impregnated Shelley’s half-sister Claire Clairmont. From there he went to Italy met a 19 year old married Duchess (Byron was already well into his 30s) and then he went to fight with the Greeks for independence from the Ottoman empire. In Greece, he didn’t bone, impregnated or touch an olive skinned Greek, probably because he fell ill and died.
Do you know of any other unsung sexual heroes? Let me know in the comment section below.