WORKPLACE / NOV. 23, 2014
version 4, draft 4

Five Ways to Beat the Mondays

If Paris Hilton and Justin Beiber had a child that was baptized by Kanye West and Kim Kardashian it would be less hated than Monday. The first day of the work-week; it is the end of alcohol soaked smiles and hours long sessions on the couch. After ‘no-pants Sunday’ we are forced into our creased slacks or skirts and we are plopped down into five more days of mindless routine. Every journey starts with the first step a wise man once said, so these are five ways to beat the Monday’s.

A rose by any other name 

Some people have an almost psychosomatic response to the word “Monday”. A way to avoid that is not to mention the word and to scratch it off all calendars, diaries and planners. Instead you can call it not-Friday or The day that killed fun. Once one of these two starts becoming as retched as Monday you can find a new name. If your response is dangerously violent, maybe consider changing every day’s name into Friday to minimize your psychological angst. Eventually you’ll lose track and every weekend will be a surprise!

Skip Monday all together

Just convince your supervisor that you have a horribly negative emotional response to Mondays and that even if you do go to work you will be unproductive. Supervisors are much more understanding than we give them credit for. The unfortunate side-effect of this is that Tuesday will become your new Monday and thus you would have to skip that too after a certain period of time. Repeat this process until you only go to work on Friday.

Start working on Sunday night

If you put yourself in a working mentality on Sunday night, you shouldn’t have a problem adapting on Monday morning. You can also reverse that process if you continue drinking on Monday! Please do not do this if you are a bulldozer operator or a large primate trainer. Alcohol gorillas and heavy machinery don’t mix. 

Meditation

If you find yourself suffering of Pre-Monday anxiety, meditation could help curtail that feeling. Get to your workplace and sit in the lotus pose while chanting mantras. How can you be productive if you aren’t centered? If you annoy your co-workers with your insistent chanting ask them to join in. Their aggression is probably a result of multiple blocked chakras.

Exercise

Getting a healthy two hour run or four hour cycle ride in before work can get your endorphins pumping. Wear your work clothes to minimize preparation time. An added benefit is that you won’t have to socialize as people will avoid you due to B.O. Eat a healthy garlicy chicken parm the previous day to carb load.

These are just a few ways that you can fend of the Monday Blues. Everyone has their own way of dealing with challenges, so if you have anything to add or a special process you employ, lets us know. Now Mondays can become quieter more relaxed days for all us.

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