WEB & TECH / FEB. 27, 2015
version 5, draft 5

Google's Terrifying Automated Dog

So, its old news that Google has bought Boston Dynamics, a company that specializes in creating automated robots. What is new is that Boston Dynamics just created a horrifyingly new robot dog called Spot. If that doesn’t convince you that Google’s trying to take over the world, read this.

So, just look at this thing, listen to its disconcerting clicking and clacking and whirring. If this isn’t nightmare fuel, I don’t know what is! I love the guys at the beginning of the video nonchalantly continue talking as this monstrosity clacks by them. No, actually, I bet they’re trying not to make eye-contact with the horrifying beast.

Although you are in full cognition that this thing is inanimate, it still made my stomach turn a little when one of the nerdy engineers took a little too much joy in kicking the robot. That kick was a lot less “Let me demonstrate this robot’s stability abilities” and a lot more “That bitch left me because of my sexual inadequacies”.

The part that made me pee a little in my pants was the two robot dogs going up a hill shoulder to shoulder, shoving each other. Imagine that image time a few hundred coming at you slowly but menacingly. Oh, and did I mention that Boston Dynamics has seven more of these things in different sizes and speeds? Check out the videos below.

So, if you are as terrified as I am of Google’s new robot dog, please leave a comment in the section below. Let me start: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! THEY’RE GOING TO JERKILY STOMP US ALL INTO OBLIVION!!!

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