WEB & TECH / DEC. 22, 2014
version 3, draft 3

Hack-city: If Sony Managed a City with Apple

Most companies’ online security protocols are like a 15 foot robot with laser eyes, grenade launcher abs and swords for arms. In lieu of recent breaches, leaks and hacks, Sony’s and Apple’s security protocols seem more like a sleepy old man in a rocking chair with a single-shot shotgun across his lap. Let’s just say that if Sony and Apple teamed together to create a safety door, you could open it with a few strategically placed toothpicks and a hardboiled egg. Speaking of egg, these companies have quite a bit of it on their faces. Here is what would happen if Sony and Apple controlled a city. Let me welcome you to ‘Hack-City’, come take a tour with me.

Wow factor

Hack-City is a glossy and sleek metropolis with blue L.E.D. lighting everywhere. There are no door-nobs, light switches or plugs anywhere. Everything is inductively charged (a.k.a. wirelessly charged) and there are touch interfaces everywhere. Of course, nothing really locks and if you’re famous you have to take a shower outside stark naked. This is a small price to pay to live in the amazingly shiny, high design cosmopolitan town of Hack-City.

I don’t think this needs too much explanation but here you go: both companies make very attractive devices (PS3, PS4, iPhone, iPad etc.) that have exposed their users information to security breaches. Just so I’m not accused of libel, I will remind you of the leaked photos from the iCloud and the multiple hacks of the Playstation Network (one as recent as the 8 of December)

Oooh aaaah, blue light!

Image source: wikipedia

You don’t have to worry because we won’t tell you

If someone does happen to break into your house, take anything of yours or exposes embarrassing things about you, don’t worry, we won’t say anything. Not even to you. Because nothing bad really happened, it was just a routine maintenance call. Well initially we’ll say that but then you’ll hear about it in an email. Don’t worry though, that murderous looking guy sitting in the corner, he probably won’t hurt you.

About the middle of last year, Apple’s development site for iOS Apps was hacked and taken down for maintenance (according to Apple). Three days later the company decided to inform the people that their personal information might have been exposed to an attempt to lift data from the website.  This exposed users to phishing or other fraudulent schemes that would use their personal information. Without them even knowing about it.

Oh Crumbs

The municipality of Hack-city does not tolerate black-mail, we don’t negotiate and we don’t deal. We also punish anyone that might help black-mailers. Anyone that does help them though will speak with our Army. Army of lawyers that is. 

In Sony’s most recent security breach a catastrophic amount data was taken from the company. This included internal and personal emails (which some included delicate material), accesses to the company’s multiple twitter accounts and 5 un-released movies. The hackers have in turn threatened to release all information if a sort of ransom isn’t paid. Sony would not negotiate, but instead warned media outlets against publishing any of the leaked materials.

Obviously this is a humourist depiction of serious and unethical crimes. The reason this happens is due to these companies being actively and ceaselessly targeted by nefarious people due to their size and revenue they can generate. Thank you and please don’t hack me. Do you have an opinion on the matter? Would you like to live in Hack-City? Well let me know in the comment section below.

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