WORK-LIFE BALANCE / JAN. 10, 2015
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How to Hide That You're a Man-Child

You love your action figures, video games and comics and you’re not 11 years old anymore. You’re actually about 19 years north of 11 years old (that’s thirty for the mathematically impaired amongst us, I did it on a calculator) and everyone is expecting you to ditch the accoutrements of the nerd lifestyle and move on. Sure they look at you strangely when you rock your Iron man tie but you rock that superhero office wear proudly! Nevertheless, there’s a time and a place, and sometimes it is best to hide that you are a Man-child. Here are some tips on how to hide your man-child character…

Mispronounce/Misidentify EVERYTHING regarding nerd culture

See us nerd/geeks/dweebs take an especially high offense to anyone pronouncing our favorite hero’s or villain’s name wrong. We’ve spent endless hours arguing amongst us if the e in a certain comic related location is a long vowel or a short one. The most effective way to distract people from the fact that you are a perpetual adolescent is to mispronounce everything. A sure fire way do misdirect is to mispronounce or completely misidentify a fan-boy favorite. For example instead of calling Hans Solo by his name call him: “You know that Indiana Jones guy.” Be warned though if the majority of your co-workers are nerds you might inadvertently incite an inter-office riot.

Follow the example of your hero’s

Almost every comic book superhero or superhero group has a secret lair where they can hide their identities and conduct hero business. You are now a young professional with disposable income and can definitely afford your own Bat-Cave or Fortress of Solitude (Superman’s hideout). Get all your nerd related items and squirrel them away in a specially prepared place. Call it Nerd-vana or Nerd-hala.

Follow the example of your hero’s 2

Changing identities has been a trope amongst superhero narrative since its inception. If someone recollects your knowledge of all Man-child mental candy: deny deny deny. Say instead: “No, you must’ve been thinking about Jerry in Accounts, what a nerd right?!” and you’re on way to incogni-nerding.

Work from home

This is of course a very extreme way to nerd out with your geek out without being judged, but most nerd/geeks/dweebs usually are computer savvy enough to pull it off. If you’re not I’m sorry to say you are going to have to brave it out in the all too boring world.

Decorating your cubicle

This will be quite an elaborate rouse so try to keep up. First you need a picture frame with an anonymous child, male or female. Bring all your action figures to work and put your frame with the photo of the child on your desk. If you’re asked what all the action figures are for just respond: “My daughter wants me to bring her action heroes to work so they can keep me safe.” Not only will nobody question this but you’ll also get a cutesy ‘aaaawe’.

Beware of the sale

Comic-books, collectables and video games are considered child-fodder by most. Since the advent of programs such as Comic Book Men, Pawn Stars and Storage Wars though, people are becoming more aware of the value of the items that we Man-Children hold dear. These people are sometimes people we date. For them it’s a win-win situation, not only do they get rid of ‘junk’ (gaaaasp!) but they also can make a little money for it.  This is also easily resolved, find an episode of Comic Book Men or similar program were a customer comes to sell a ridiculously valuable that is rapidly devalued for close to nothing due to flaws. Pack your things up and act like you are selling them for ridiculously low prices on eBay, when in actuality you are moving them to a new location see entry about having a secret lair.

Are you a Man-child? Do you play with video games action figures and read comics? Well let me know below if you nerd out with your geek out or if you prefer to go incogni-nerd.

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