WORK-LIFE BALANCE / JUL. 11, 2015
version 4, draft 4

Hitler Invented the Sex-Doll and Other Ridiculous Product Origins

Hitler Sex Doll

The alleged story behind the origin of the sex doll is a bit murky. Although a lot of people say that it was prompted to quell venereal disease amongst the goose-stepping troops, other say that is just a hoax. For the sake of supreme comedic effect let’s assume that a murderous dictator came up with the most embarrassing sexual aid in the history of anything sexual. The thing is, reality has given us just as many absurd stories regarding the origin of widely used products.

See Also: The Real Back Room:Horrifying Exterminator Stories

Inventions as a result of lax safety protocols

So the first few items in this article are going to go under this title because they are a result of life threatening gross neglect and nothing else. These happy accidents didn’t result in dismemberment, disfigurement or death even though they should’ve.

Saccharine – Even the most diligently hygienic amongst us will occasionally consume something with a hand that isn’t washed, but a little dirt doesn’t hurt anyone, it actually helps. When you’re working in a chemical lab that is stock with carcinogens interspersed with more carcinogen chemicals, however, you’d think you would be borderline obsessive with washing your hands. Not Constantin Fahlberg! After a long day at work in the lab researching coal tar derivatives (a known carcinogen) Fahlberg went to dinner, where he noticed his fingers tasted sweet. Apparently he was also one of those crude, uncouth people that lick their fingers instead of using a napkin.

If you think the insanity stopped there you’d be wrong, Fahlberg ran back to the lab and tasted everything in his work area until he found that the sweetness was a result of an over-boiled beaker. As he was working in Ira Remsen’s laboratory at the John Hopkins University he shared the glory both with the educational institution and his lab mate. Actually he secretly went behind both his partner’s and the University’s back and patented that sh*t quick. Just remember kids that Diet Coke you love so much is chalked full of processed coal tar.

Chiclets/Chewing Gum – Thomas Adams was attempting to create a new plastic with chicle, a type of sap derived from a South American tree, but to no avail. Frustrated and dejected by his continuous and unceremonious failures he decided to put some of this sap in his mouth, because it’s better than what the kid in the video below did with the remote.

Instead of dying a horrible, painful death from ingesting a chemical intended to make rubber, he actually liked. Later on Adam’s New York No. 1 became the first mass-produced chewing gum even considering its undecipherable convoluted brand name. Two for two Adams you weren’t a brilliant chemist or a marketer, but you’re really good at putting strange things in your mouth.

The Microwave – Usually when your gleefully playing around with radiation emitting equipment you take certain precautions, most painfully obvious of which is: Don’t f*cking stand close to aforementioned radiation emitting equipment. Not Percy Spenser! What is it with these old-timey scientists. Did they have no regard for not dying a horrible death by the hand of their inventions? Spenser noticed when he was messing around with a magnetron (no, it’s not a Decepticon), which creates electromagnetic waves when electrified, that a chocolate bar in his pocket had started to melt.

Like any respectable 5-year-old with a new magnifying glass would do, he brought back a lot of other stuff to see what would happen when he put them close to the magnetron. He popped popcorn with it first (which you have to admit is creepily prophetic) and then and egg that exploded in the face of another researcher.   

Invented because the inventor was an a**hole

Potatoes Chips – Of all the things that people could constructively argue about, one is not the origin of the potato chip. The English version is boring (much like their cuisine) and says that it was a recipe found in a cookbook. The American version reads more like a rebellious ode to celebrity chefs and finicky customers that makes for good T.V. It is said that Chef George Crum sent a plate of fried potatoes to a picky customer, but the plate was sent back because the customer said they were under seasoned, thick and soggy. Crum redid the order sent it out only for it to be returned again.

On his third attempt (while I imagine him loudly swearing and banging pots and pans around) he cut the potatoes paper thin, fried them to the point where they would crumble if someone tried to cut them and salted them like they were the wounds of his worst enemy. The customer loved them to which Crumb responded: “THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH!!” while twisting his chef’s hat in his hand, throwing it on the ground and jumping up and down on it. No matter what the case, chips have been helping people get coronaries since about the mid-1800s.

Elevator – Ok, maybe the inventor of the elevator wasn’t and a**hole, but the user that commissioned it unequivocally was. Surprisingly enough, the first elevator was installed in 1743 in the Palace of Versailles for King Louis XV. It was initially called “the flying chair” which was powered by people in the chimney that would hoist the royal fat ass from the first to the second floor. After all stairs are so pedestrian, I mean you have to walk up them.

See Also: 5 Jobs in History That Would Have Killed You

Do you know of any other mistaken inventions? Let us know in the comment section below.

Get our FREE eBook!
'6 Steps to Landing Your Next Job'

LEAVE A COMMENT

0 comments

 

RELATED ARTICLES

Get our FREE eBook!
'6 Steps to Landing Your Next Job'


G up arrow
</script> </script>