Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
JOB SEARCH / NOV. 10, 2014
version 10, draft 10

Horrible Jobs That’ll Have You Laughing All The Way To The Bank

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Most people would dry heave at just the mention of some of the things these professions deal with on a day-to-day basis. Others wouldn’t even consider putting themselves in harms way, no matter how big the pay-check was. Then again there is a very small group of individuals out there that not only can deal with some real dangerous and disgusting situations, but they actually enjoy the excitement. If you’re one of these people you might want to take notes. 

 See also: Inspiring Quotes by Confucius

1. Gastroenterologist

A job that pays just slightly north of a quarter of million dollars annually will not negate the fact that a large part of your work day will be dedicated to poo and the bits and bobs that make it. Don’t expect to win any popularity contests at the Yacht Club either because you are the clammy handed purveyor of the loathsome colonoscopy.

2. Crab Fishermen

A job that would make ultra-macho Hemmingway shiver with excitement, a Crab fisherman can make up to 50.000 dollars in eight weeks, but it is a physically demanding job with long hours, stints away from home and with high mortality rates. Another benefit not considering the money is that professional attire includes a badass sailor beard.

3. Oil Rig Worker

This is yet another job on our list that requires a thick majestic man-beard (even if you’re a female oil-rig worker) and extended periods of time in that moist death-trap we call the Ocean. If all that wet murder for miles around you wasn’t enough, the rock which an Oil Rig stands on is prone to collapsing and catching on fire while sinking. The trifecta of horrifying deaths; drowning, burning and being swallowed by the earth all rolled into one, requires no previous experience, minimal education and will pay you the kingly sum of about 100.000 dollars per annum.

 4. Private Security Contractor

With an annual pay of 120.000 dollars being a Private Security Contractor could seem very appealing. Travel to foreign lands, get paid to be super fit, shoot the newest and best weapons on the market and get paid as much as an Fortune 500 executive? Where do I sign up!? Hold your horses there Couch Cowboy, I know you dedicate every single minute of your ample free time to first person shooters but these folks are highly trained ex-military elite. Not only that but they’re needed in places that, well aren’t that secure to begin with. Expect to visit some of the most dangerous locations in the world including Iraq, Afganistan, Somalia and South America, but wait there’s more! Go toe-to-toe with drug cartels, insurgents and gorillas (the military not the hairy primate type). Hey? Where’d you go? Hello?

5. Crop-duster Pilot / Agricultural Aviation

Were you one of those annoying kids that used to wear a scarf, leather helmet and goggles while running around a room with your arms stretched out making plane noises with your mouth? Well then do I have a career for you! Crop-duster pilots with a good work record can make up to 80.000 dollars a year and just think of how high you can get from all the chemical blowback! Of course if you don’t mind toxic chemicals in your respiratory system, and being in constant danger of hitting a power-line or anything else that might not be visible because you careening at it at 180 mph, then jump on board! Just watch out for that first step it’s a doozy.

These jobs are for the rough and tumble and maybe even the slightly insane. The pay is great but unfortuntely their termination policy is a little more permanent than most professions. No two week notice here. Do you do one of these jobs? Even if you don’t, we’d still like to hear from you (although I doubt we’ll be at all impressed with your beard).

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