Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
WORK-LIFE BALANCE / DEC. 12, 2015
version 7, draft 7

Horrible Realities of Being a Dominatrix

There are a lot of ways you can make a quick buck in the post-Internet world, from selling regrettable and often creepy wares to pawning off atrocious fan fiction based on atrocious literature and creating a smut empire (his cock agreed. I know that seems irrelevant, but click on the link, and all will be revealed).

The gamut of things people will pay for on the Internet is boundless, to the point that people that will pay you to call them “useless pieces of excrement on the ass of society”. Look, I just got paid for saying that – but in a very different way. The real way to make money by degrading your clients is by being a dominatrix, and the reality of the job is much more horrifying.

See Also: Horrible Jobs: Strip Club Security

It’s Hard Work

If you are looking for an easy buck, then turn to crime: it’s easy enough until you get caught. The reality of working in the adult industry is the fact that you are competing with equally attractive, equally dominate, and equally in-demand individuals. You will have to bust your proverbial hump to get ahead and separate yourself from the throngs of whipping, yielding leather-clad dommes (that’s short for dominatrix… duh?)

If You Like Sex, Don’t Bother

Surprisingly, after running through way too many “A Day in the Life…” articles (which resulted in most of my coworkers thinking I’m a complete creep… well, more than they thought before), I found a strange pattern emerging. Although dominatrices are considered part of the adult entertainment industry, they seldom do anything truly “adult” with their clients. Notice how I said seldom… I’ll get to the sticky, gross details later. A lot of the dominatrices just play a role when working – I’m sorry guys (and gals), the truth hurts, I know… but I hear you like that. So, the dommes that do the sex stuff are called dominatrices; the ones that only slap – NO, TICKLE, MAGGOT! – are called pro-dommes. Why the distinction, I really don’t know.

You’ve Been Tricked

If you went to what are known as dungeons expecting sex, you are going to have a hard-slap awakening. There is a difference between S&M sex workers and dominatrices. S&M sex workers will do anything: they’ll put anything anywhere you tell them to and they’ll do anything you ask them to, including a roman shower, which I would recommend looking up on Urban Dictionary and not – I repeat: NOT – on Google. Dommes generally do not touch anyone’s fun bits and inversely do not allow anyone to touch their fun bits. If this is disappointing, and a painful realization, I apologize, but I hear you like that kind of stuff.

It’s an Investment

Just like any person that is a freelancer or self-employed, getting off the ground demands a certain initial investment; it’s not like most people just have domme outfits hanging in their closet and a box of whips, chains, and ball gags under their bed (I said most, Charlie, relax!)

Beyond that, if you want a bit of a side business, you might be able to set up an online live feed and make money by playing out your virtual dominations. Although this can make you as little as $2.50 a minute, which pales in comparison to the $250+ per hour you’ll make during a flesh and blood encounter, you don’t have to leave your home and you might not even have to wear complete domme outfits for a video session (especially if you’re shooting yourself from the waist up).

You’re not getting off scotch-free, though, because you’ll need a fast internet connection and a computer with a decent webcam. Once you get everything you need, you’ll have to dedicate even more time and money on advertisement. There are many dominatrices that prefer to go into business with fellow dominatrices, effectively halving costs.

It’s Practically Mainstream

Remember the crappy piece of fan fiction that made the author a millionaire I mentioned earlier? Well, that literary equivalent of being beaten with a cat-o-nine-tails while taking a vinegar shower has made bondage, dominant/submissive, and master/slave sex play soccer mom-friendly! It has, in fact, become so mainstream that it has encompassed other genres, so we live in an era where you can purchase a whip that has a lightsaber handle, amongst other more discerning items.

And if you thought that a shoddy, obscene, pulp soft porn novel couldn’t make money from merchandising, you’d be really, really wrong. Yes, they even have Fifty Shades of Grey lube which, if it works as well as the premise of the homonymous book, should make your crotch burst into flames.

Ultimately...

…It’s a job, just like any other. And no matter how much you really love it, there are going to be days were you don’t want to get up and go, but you’ll have to, and you’ll be expected to act as professionally as you do on a good day. There is another unseen level, though. You are working with people that are at their most vulnerable and, in many cases, engaging in something they might think is sinful, appalling, or regrettable. If you give them a healthy experience, you could actually be helping them overcome some of their issues with sexuality. Inversely, if you show apathy toward the person you are engaging with, it could result in deep-seeded traumas that could take them years to recover from.

The Dangers

Look, even if there is no heavy petting involved or no poking of the prairie dog – that’s a made-up euphemism, but I believe that if you put “poking” in front of anything that begins with a “p”, it becomes sexual… Allow me to demonstrate: poking the parlor, poking the pool cue, poking the porch, poking the polka dot – which sounds especially obscene but means absolutely nothing.

Anywho, any time one party makes another party feel tingly in their undercarriage, a weird phenomenon is observed: E-M-O-T-I-O-N-S. Although, in many cases, most clients won’t act on those emotions, there is going to be that special little crazy that will show up on your door with a box of chocolates and razor blades for you to cut him with… Thus, try to avoid using your house as a make-shift dungeon, unless you like suitors that bring chocolate and razor blades to your door at three in the morning.

This next requirement might be a bit harder: try to have someone with you (someone you trust, obviously; not a random person walking outside your house) during your sessions. They don’t even have to be that big; all they have to do is inform the authorities if your session escalates from giving punishment to giving and receiving punishment if you get my drift.

See Also: What It’s Really Like to Be a Sex Therapist

Have you ever worked as a dominatrix, or are you currently working as one now? Share your experiences with us in the comments section below!

 

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