So, you just finished college and in four years you haven’t gone a day without recycling at least one article of clothing from your “floor-hamper”. When someone tells you to clean up, you put a blazer over your “My Pen is Huge” T-shirt with tattered jeans and your “fancy” flip-flops. Which when you say “fancy” flip-flops you just mean the ones that don’t have a bottle opener in the heel. Now that you’ll be in the grown-up world, you won’t be able to show up at your 8:00 a.m. meeting in mustard-stained pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt. This how not to dress like a sloppy bachelor and why.
Read the room
Generally, upon first encounter, try not to underdress. OK, you don’t have to show up in a three-piece tuxedo with a sharply ironed pocket square, but wearing a suit definitely won’t hurt. Sure, they might not notice if you’re overdone, but I’m pretty sure they’ll notice if you look like you just came from the sports bar.
I know that you are still a broke college student and soon-to-be broke young professional, but they say dress for the job you want. Why you asking me who the hell ‘they’ are; how am I supposed to know? ‘They’ seem to have valid advice most of the time, though. Grab a couple of professional outfits because many companies will call you back two and three times. If it makes you feel any better, these ensembles are also known as “power outfits.” I’m sure that’ll satisfy your inner 8-year-old self.
Please check your boobage at the dorm
Although you might think that showing off the “girls” might help you land the job like it’s helped you get out of a traffic ticket, you’d be wrong. In this singularly unique case in the entire Universe, boobs are bad. Also, avoid anything too tight or too short.
The Test Drive
Outfits look amazing in shop windows and mannequins; that’s kind of the point. Who would buy them if they looked like an ill-fitting hobo costume? Oh, right. Hipsters. But hipsters usually sling frappu-mocha-ccinos with soy half-and-half; they don’t interview for professional positions that pay in actual money, and not scones. I know that discriminatory but deal with it Hipsters suck. I digress, though. So, when you take your ‘power outfits’ home, try them on for a day, make sure they’re comfortable and that you look good in them.
Accessories are the keystone of every great outfit. Think of Miley Cyrus’ crotch-hugging onesie without her tongue sticking out. It just wouldn’t be the same. The same goes for you… dude, you’re not funny, put your tongue back in your mouth. OK, now that you mention it, your tongue does bring out the crimson in your bloodshot eyes. Keep it simple though; guys should wear a simple watch and one ring, and women should keep make-up as neutral as possible and nail polish that is subdued. If you look in the mirror and you are tempted to say “fogit aboud it” or “Aye papi chulo,” you’ve over done it.
Do you have any other recommendations regarding professional attire? Have you ever lost a job due to attire? Let us know in the comment section below.