JOB SEARCH / MAR. 15, 2015
version 7, draft 7

Perfect Jobs for a Psychopath

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If the last time you watched Silence of the Lambs you thought to yourself: “That Hannibal Lecter guy seems like someone I’d like to have a beer with, or a Chianti…”. And every time you watch Friday the 13 you sympathize with the poor misunderstood knife-wielding adolescent that everyone runs away from, then you might want to get checked out. You’re probably going to have to pay for years of therapy so why not consider one of these jobs that might be just right for a psychopath like you!

See Also: Psychopathic Characteristics of the Super Successful

Sociopath, Psychopath Potato Potaato

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So you want to know what you are, and here’s a non-medical completely unspecialized and general synopsis. Psychopaths completely lack a moral compass many times due to a lesion in the area of the brain that is in charge of fear and judgment. Psychopaths are dangerous, cruel and violent. Sociopaths on the other hand are manipulators, they lie, charm and have a skewed moral code allowing them to justify their means. An example of a psychopath would be Jack the Ripper or Hannibal Lecter (fictional) a sociopath on the other hand would be someone like a politician or a less than ethical lawyer. A great example would be Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Wolf of Wall Street.

What Career should I choose?

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So you have a propensity for violence, no moral or ethical compass and touch of God Complex. What would be the perfect calling for someone like you? Well, a priest is a good place to start, you get to wear intimidating black clothes, have a perma-holy-than-thou expression and disposition. I’m not even kidding. Shockingly a profession perfectly suited for sociopaths is being a Surgeon. Yes, if you happen to enjoy being the instrument of life and death, filleting people open and moving around their squishy parts, then becoming a Surgeon is the way to go. Not only do you get to play Angel of Death at work, it also carries high societal value and status, stroking that huge ego and narcissism of yours.

Ou! What else can I do?

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Your enthusiasm is disturbing, but I’ve got to soldier on. OH! A Soldier’s life is also great for a psychopath. Ok, I would be remised to mention that the higher up the chain of command you go the greater the concentration of psychopaths, psychopaths love power as it allows them to enact violence and suffering unbothered. Generals are heavily represented by psychopathy throughout history.

What other profession would allow you to kill and justify it by your in job responsibilities? Kind of in lieu of that, law enforcement is a great place hide you psychopathic propensities. Although most law enforcement officials are upstanding good Samaritans wanting to ‘Serve and Protect’ this job gives you power over people under the umbrella of upholding the law, access to firearms and limited access to lethal force.

See Also: Who Could Be The Psychopath In Your Office?

A CEO’s job demands relentless laser like persistence, personal life killing dedication, greed and ruthlessness. So what if your latest merger slashed 2.000 manufacturing jobs? You’ll be sitting pretty once you get your end of the year bonus due to the profit increase as a result. Who cares if you’re new Maybach cost 2.000 households their lively-hood. You even had it specially modified to burn puppies and baby tears. At least it’s green.

Have anything to add you sick puppy? Let me know in the comment section below.

 

 

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