WORKPLACE / JAN. 28, 2014
version 6, draft 6

How to Pretend You Are Working

If you have ever been at your desk and been too tired, or not bothered to work, then you are not alone. There is no shame in not being bothered to work sometimes. Everybody experiences those days where you would rather be anywhere else than the office, and it is in those moments where you zone out during the day that you can get caught for slacking off. If you’re going to slack, you need to be clever about it. The trick is to not let your boss or co-workers realise that you are not working. It is relatively easy to deceive people into thinking you are working. Just follow these simple tips and you will be on your way to an unproductive day in no time.

Clutter is Your Friend

Keeping your desk too clean is a huge mistake, if you are planning on having a truly unproductive day. Having your desk as cluttered as possible is a really important part of looking like you are working, because it looks like you have been active. It also adds an extra level of protection, if you have a co-worker or boss who has OCD about cleanliness. If they are scared of your clutter, then they are more likely to leave you alone, reducing your chances of getting caught.

Keep Your Notepad Close and Filled

Having a notepad close to hand is a great way of looking busy when you are really doing bugger all. You can write whatever you want on it in completely incomprehensible handwriting, or just doodle on the pages, and it will help people think you are working. A person with a pen and a pad is a person who is hard at work. You could try glancing up or across the room every so often, so that it seems like you are deep in thought as well. Pen and paper keeps the nosy people away.

Hide Your Screen

If possible, try to move your computer screen so that as little as possible is visible to others. The less that they can see; the less likely you are to get in trouble. If they can’t see that all you are doing is reading the news, then they don’t know that is all you are doing. Out of sight out of mind.

Talk to Your Co-workers

One of the best ways to stay awake and deflect suspicion, is to engage in conversation with your team mates. Every so often just ask your team mates vague and leading questions about work and life in general. What you are doing, is gaining the attention of your co-workers without actually doing any work. Most people love a bit of a natter, so they are more than happy to have a chat every now and again.

Fake Keyboard Sounds

You can work wonders by just pretending to work. Open up several word or Excel documents, and every so often make keyboard or typing sounds. In fact, your best option is to cut and paste some text into a word document, you can then just add text onto the end of it. Who can question whether you are working or not, when you are actually working, well sort of.

Take Breaks

Remembering to take your regular breaks, just like when you are working, it shows that you are sticking to your normal routine and can help avert suspicion. You don’t want people thinking that you are acting strangely, or paying more attention to you, than they usually would.

So if you want to want to have a thoroughly unproductive day of work, following these six steps should make that a reality. Or at least, it should allow you to not get caught, while you are having your day off, in work.

 

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