A bro is a subcategory of the 16-25 year old demographic that is defined loosely by their partying, womanizing and generally unbearably alpha-type behavior. This sect of the population has gifted to us such linguistic jewels as: Cool Story Bro, Come at Me Bro and I Got This Bro. They are readily identifiable by their tribe’s preferred attire of khaki shorts, polo shirts, trucker hats, nautical themed tattoos and a solo cup of beer perpetually connected to their dominate hand. There are many career choices for bros but you have to get your foot in the bro-door and this is how to score the perfect bro-ternship.
Bros main source of hydration are alcoholic beverages. So not only will you be able to put ‘internship/employment with national retail chain” on your resume, you’ll get a sweet employee discount on your next bottle of Jager and 48 case of beer. For maximum bro-xposure you can apply at a liquor store that’s adjacent to a Fraternity, Sports Bar or Stadium.
Banking is the kingdom and domain of the ‘old-bro’. (A bro that still possesses an obnoxiously alpha personality but only rocks the khaki/polo shirt combination on the weekend.) During the week the ‘old-bro’ suits up in excessively costly Italian cashmere suits and swaps the yacht shoes for supple Italian leather. The reason banking is such a bro-tastic occupation is that it implements the most abrasive of bro characteristics: competitiveness. Being a cut-throat hyper carnivore piece of human excrement will get you flying through the ranks at a vertigo-inducing pace. Expect no other topic to be touched upon than sports and money while bro-thernshipping in Investment Banking, it’s the only thing you talk about anyway.
You spend hours on end trying to get cut and define your pecks, why not get paid for it? Not only will this job pay you to work-out and show off your newly cut triceps, it is probably also the only place in the world where sleeveless shirts are commended and not frowned upon. This position also assesses another need that is high on the bro-list of priorities, a constant flow of women!
Although lawyering usually demands a high level of linguistic aptitude, something that bros aren’t exactly famous for, this shouldn’t deter you. There is a type of lawyer that lives in the corporate world that mindlessly runs through reams of court cases in an attempt to get their companies out of lawsuits. The corporate lawyer speaks very little actually and when he does it usually involves the description of their latest romantic conquest, alcohol fuelled weekend antics or their awesome fantasy football team.
Social media Bro
Your always snapping photos and uploading intellectual quips such as: “Sick, twisted and wicked party last night bros!” so why not use that knowledge of the social media monster to make some money? All you have to do is to be on Facebook all day, right?
Are you a bro that has the most bro-tastic job or internship? Then share your knowledge with us so all the bros of the world can benefit. Leave your advice in the comment section below.