WORKPLACE / DEC. 14, 2014
version 6, draft 6

How to Tap in To Your Inner Suppressed Workaholic

So you’re a hapless, unmotivated mess. You always try to fly under the radar and do the bare minimum. It’s always gotten you by up to now but recently your devil may care attitude has raised some eyebrows. You’re going to have to compete with your co-workers, and they are pretty hard-core. It isn’t going to pretty, pleasant or easy, but this is how you can tap into your inner suppressed workaholic.

Voluntary overtime

If you’re feeling nauseous at the thought of overtime then, please use the bathroom. Hard long hours, energy drinks and a bottomless coffee cup are all staples of the workaholic. Why do you think they drink all that coffee? It’s so they can stay awake; they work longer than they sleep. You on the other hand sleep while at work.

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm means going above and beyond, doing extra work and taking initiative. Supervisors and bosses appreciate hard work and initiative. If you have the type of supervisor that doesn’t, keep it up and someone’s bound to notice. You have always worried about getting noticed for goofing off. Now you want to get noticed, feels good doesn’t it? No? Fine be that way.

Deadlines are for slackers

Or also known as turn-over. If you consistently beat deadlines and are given more work, this shows (repeat after me children) enthusiasm and work ethic! Now that we’ve learned those two words that have never been in your vocabulary, let’s talk about that second one.

Work Ethic

This is all-encompassing: it involves punctuality, enthusiasm, meeting deadlines in a timely matter and moving through your workload quickly. You will hear this spoken about good employees. It makes sense that you are having difficulty pronouncing it as you’ve never heard it before in your life.

(Don’t) Leave it at the work

Take work home. Stop laughing, I’m serious. Well, that gesture was uncalled for. If you unfinished work, it would be wise to take it home with you. It shows that you are more than a mindless card-puncher just there for a paycheck. It will show that you are invested in the project and consider it your own. You really have to stop making that gesture! It’s impolite you’re the one that was lazy and got in trouble after all.

Dress to impress

All that work will be in vain if you aren’t noticed, so dress sharply, move purposefully and don’t slouch. Yes, it’ll be like being back in Catholic School but without the psychotic nuns. Presentation is everything!

Challenge yourself

I don’t mean trying to level up your player in the video game Dragon Slayer Skateboard Pro 5. I knew you showed a little too much enthusiasm when I mentioned it. I meant at work slacker. Anything new and outside your usual responsibilities should pose a formidable challenge. Think of it as gaining experience points in real life and a promotion as leveling up just like video games! I knew that wasn’t going to work it didn’t work on my 6 year old nephew, and he’s smarter than you.

Are you a recovering workaholic or a recovering slacker? Let us know about your experiences and ways you overcame your issues in the comment section below.
 

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