Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
FOOD & FITNESS / DEC. 19, 2014
version 6, draft 6

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Cycling to Work

bike commute businessman
Shutterstock

One of the oldest mechanical forms of personal transportation, bicycles, have been pissing off motorists since the late 19 century. In large European cities such as Hague, Amsterdam, and Copenhagen the bicycle is used as a primary form of transportation by its residents. No other vehicle carries more street cred with the hipster, hippie, and artsy-fartsy crowds more than a (vintage of course) race bike. So you want to be in with the bearded, craft beer drinking, trust fund kids of your neighborhood you’ll need to get your behind on a saddle and ride to work.

No-swear mornings

Cycling to work is considerably less stressful than getting stuck in morning traffic. Although, you’ll still have to deal with and be exposed to groggy coffee glugging commuters you be able to whizz by them when they’re gridlocked. Once you get to work you won’t have to worry about parking or being late, just find something secure and chain it up.

It’s not all puppies and cinnamon though, unfortunately, you can’t enjoy a coffee during your morning commute without exposing yourself to mortal danger and death by sedan squishing. Sure there are handlebar mounted cup holders but if you don’t live in a bike friendly town, I wouldn’t recommend weaving through traffic while kicking back a caramel macchiato. The cup holders are more for coffee runs than anything else really. Trust me falling off a bike is painful enough, falling while spilling a piping hot beverage all over you? Considerably more painful.

Cool Guy

Unless you’re Belgian Chuck Norris then you can ride through lava unscathed

Image source: copenhagencyclechic

Clothing

When you cycle to work you either wear your work clothes and take it easy so you don’t sweat or you can wear your super tight cycling clothes and basically expose yourself to your coworkers. If you wear your work clothes, you can expect to have a collection of chain grease stains down the inside of your right pant-leg. Stop looking so confused that’s just the side most bikes have their chains on. If you wear your cycling clothes (also known as kit) they’re so tight, they don’t leave anything to the imagination. It’s up to you, if you’re already the creepy guy in the office though this won’t help you lose that moniker.
 

Bike Suit Guy

Creepy spandex wearer or hot suit wearer. Its your choice

Image source: businessinsider

Hello my name is Bike Guy

When you cycle to work and it isn’t a very popular form of transportation amongst your co-workers you will be established as Bike Guy. Instead of bothering to learn your name most people will start calling you: “The guy that rides his bike to work.” Eventually, they’ll even drop the long descriptor and just flat out call you Bike Guy. You can make them stop by saying: “Oh hi Hyundai!” “Nice hair cut Honda.” Then you’ll just be “That guy”.

White Fixie Bike

White bike guy

Image source: tumblr

Health Stuff

Do I really have to go over this? It gets you off your fat butt and moving, I rest my case.

Speedy

See this guys flustered, flustered means blood flow....ah man I lost my train of thought

Image source: wheelies

Money Stuff

No gas sir. I’m not talking about the bean based form, but the dinosaur based form. Gas costs money. No gas no money. Wait, something went wrong there.

cool bike

See no place to put gas and it still looks cool

Image source: gessato

Exposure to dumb questions

Another side effect of cycling to work is the dumb questions. If someone sees you with your helmet you can expect: ‘Oh your helmet, did you ride your bicycle to work?’ which you can answer with "No I have an equilibrium problem so I use the helmet as a counter-weight." Or "No, I sometimes have psychotic episodes where I violently head-butt people around me. It’s more for me than you."

Female Cyclist

"Why are you looking behind you?" "So I can see if somethings going to run me over, duh"

Image source: huffingtonpost

Do you cycle to work? Have I missed any pros or cons about commuting the two wheel way?

 

 

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