WORK-LIFE BALANCE / OCT. 18, 2015
version 5, draft 5

The Lost City of Atlantis: The Perfect Workplace

Apparently Atlantis was pretty dope. It was a hyper advanced utopian (that’s when everything is just right) society that invested hugely in the arts and sciences. Well, if it had all that going for it, it must’ve been a pretty great place to work too? Right? So, working on that assumption, let’s take a look at why Atlantis would have been a great place to work.

See Also: What About Religion in the Workplace?

Night Life

So according to the legend of Atlantis, the Atlantians did something to piss off the Gods thus the whole sinking to the bottom of the sea mess. Well, you have to be pretty liberal to piss of any type of deity, and liberal people usually know how to party. Don’t believe me? Look at Holland: legal marijuana and prostitution or Canada: legal marijuana and free healthcare. You literally can’t have a bad time in a liberal region of the world. Also, you know no matter what type of freak flag you fly it will be accepted.

Do you get your jollies off by nude riding a goat while holding a frozen cucumber between your moobs (man-boobs, or ditties, dude titties)? Nobody will bat an eye. Also, people in liberal societies don’t have the social restraints or sexual hang-ups other countries do (A.K.A. Men and women will be easy in a sexual way to make it more explicit for you and judging from what I see that is going to be to your benefit my frog-faced friend).

Socialism

Socialism is a political-economic system in which the market is free, yet the lower strata of society are assisted by the state to live safely and comfortably. Socialism is also infinitely exploitable, because even if you don’t work, you’ll still get paid. If you go to jail, you’ll get paid…you could even potentially be outside the country that you are receiving benefits and still get paid. So you could set up you little Atlantian homestead and not pay a red cent for it! Ah, the joys of a society built on equality…

Sub-Tropical Paradise

Apparently some depictions of the island describe it as sitting on volcanic caves, resulting in hot and cold springs all over the area, rich vegetation and even a healthy population of elephants. Also, due to its location, which was described by Plato being at the opening of the Strait of Gibraltar, it was purported to be a hub of trade and commerce. It was said to be rich with resources, including gold, silver, ivory and copper. On the highest mountain, there sat the temple of Poseidon that was made entirely of gold, with gold and ivory columns flanking the entrance. So why wouldn’t you want to work in that kind of environment?

Technology

We are still talking about the ancient world, so don’t expect tablets, iPhone 7B.S.s and such, but apparently Atlantis was very advanced compared to its neighbors. It was said that Atlantis had three concentric circular moats that lead to the mountain and that the Atlantians had carved channels and built bridges so that the entire island was interconnected by both ship and foot or horse or anything else ancient people used to travel by (pogo stick?).

So you know your morning commute is going to be a pleasure, with all those bridges and waterways. Added benefit? Because of the unique infrastructure, you might be able to take the ancient equivalent of a jet ski to work…which was a plank with a person on the back that you would pay to blow bubbles in the water. 

Society

Many myths suggest that Atlantis was a utopian society (a perfect society)., that unfortunately devolved into a hetaeristic, sex-fuelled and corrupt nation. Ok, sure maybe that’s not the best thing, but if you play your cards right, a corrupt nation can help you get away with murder…oh, no I’m not being cute, I pointing out that someone with a lot of money in a corrupt country can literally kill someone (or many) and get away with it. Like this kid. Or this guy.

As Atlantis was a wealthy place even in the past, it’s not a far stretch of the imagination that you, and your kin (like the people above) could get away with just about anything. Well, that is until a certain event happened, but we’ll get to that.

Sense of Community

Everyone loved Poseidon; everyone rode baby elephants everywhere (I assume) if that doesn’t create a feeling of community what would? Oh yeah, wealth. According to ancient writings, Atlantis produced a metal called aurichalcum that was the most precious metal in the ancient world after gold. It seemed to be an alloy primarily made of bronze or brass, with nickel and zinc. Strangely enough, this stuff really does exist as it was found in a shipwreck off the coast of Italy earlier this year.

The metal was extremely rare in the ancient world, and we have only found mentions of it in writings and a few decorative artifacts made of the material. So yeah, you will definitely have a feeling of community if your place of work produces one of the most precious metals in the ancient world? I mean it’s not like wars are fought for wealth right?

Problematic Location

See Also: 5 Disgusting Workplace Experiences

Would you work in a mythological place? Let me know in the comment section below. Personally my preference would be Shangri-La.

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