CHOOSING A CAREER / NOV. 10, 2014
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Top 10 Reasons to Become a Lawyer

With sharp suits and even sharper tongues lawyers definitely put their money where their mouth is; actually their clients put their money where their mouth is. It can be an exciting career chalked full of great catch phrases such as “Speak to my lawyer” “I’m going to sue!” “See you in court!” and “You’ve been Lawyered!” The appeal of becoming a legal professional, though, doesn’t end there; here are the Top 10 reasons to become a lawyer.

1. Use big words to impress people

A rich vocabulary is a beneficial asset when engaged in any verbal row, in the courtroom and out. As a lawyer you will be able to use words such as superfluous evidence, extrapolation and interrogatories without sounding like a pretentious snob. If someone does call you out on being wordy to the point of annoyance, just straighten your tie (which you will always wear) assertively and say “Excuse me for being a Lawyer and acting as such, I rest my case.”

2. Put your face on bus-stop benches

Being a prestigious lawyer comes with many perks; money, authority, respect. The pinnacle of professional recognition in field of law is the bus-stop bench advertisement. Not only will it earn you the respect of your peers but anyone that passes your digitally replicated visage will immediately recognize you when they meet you in person. This will eventually elevate you to the status of local celebrity. An extra perk of having your image handsomely printed on high quality vinyl and adhered to a bench is when you go out for a date (that is strategically but completely unintentionally located across from said bench) you can turn towards the person you are courting, chianti in hand, and say “Oh look it’s one of my bus-stop advertisements, aren’t you impressed?” 

3. Meet interesting and exciting people

If you’re the type of person that enjoys edgy, dangerous types then you’re in luck! Not only will you be able to meet embezzlers, murderers, gang-bangers and arsonist but you can be sure that they will all have a great story to share with you! Change their names to Client X and you’ll have amazing stories to tell at your next cocktail party!

4. Get paid amazing amounts of money

If TV and movies have taught us anything it’s that lawyers of all specialties make truck fulls of money.  It doesn’t matter if its criminal, civil or corporate law you will be raking in the dough like you have a money tree growing in your backyard! Good thing you’ll be making that unbelievable amount of liquid funds because….

5. All lawyers wear super-sexy Italian suits

If you learned anything in Law school it’s that it is close to impossible to win a case if you’re not wearing an amazingly expensive super sexy Italian suit and wing-tip shoes. The more Italian things you have actually the better lawyer you’ll be, so once you get your first pay check go to the bank get a huge loan and by an Armani suit and a Ferrari. Just consider it an investment for the future.

6. You’ll be able to wear as much hair product as your heart desires

With that unbelievably high salary and Italian accessories to boot, the next appealing aspect of lawyering is dubious amount of hair gel. A staple amongst savory straight forward business people, sales individuals and all around honest guys, liberal amounts of gel used for a slicked back hair-do screams “I’m honest and wholesome!”. Additional benefit of the slicked backed ‘do is that the opposite sex goes crazy for it!

7. You not only defend the innocent but anyone that will pay you

Morality and ethics are very ambiguous subjects. Who are you to say if those 173 kilos of Marijuana isn’t for personal use? Not only are these individuals payche… I mean clients but they are also human beings. Human beings that might have misunderstood the law when they raided their local bank with fully automatic weapons. It is your job to be their voice, to get them back on the streets, and for this significant social good if you get paid so be it.

8. You’ll never get in trouble again!

A further and unseen benefit is that you will know the legal system back to front, side to side. You will never have to pay for a speeding ticket or get put in jail for a mere case of aggravated assault ever again! You are a free man and above the law!

9.  Being able to yell at people of authority and power

This is one of the most popular reasons people choose to practice law. Police officers? You can yell at them. Judges? Check. Other powerful lawyers? Of course. Choose whoever pleases you that hold a position of power and go nuts; it’ll probably even win you the case!

10. Benefits once you finally go to jail

It happens to every lawyer at least once in their career. They helped one client cook the books on one drug deal and they get put in prison. Now that you’re a lawyer though you won’t be by yourself all those clients you had, most of them will be in their waiting for you to hang out.

You don’t even have to worry once you do go to jail because if you don’t get stabbed you can file for appeals for your fellow inmates. 

If there is something I missed about having a career as a legal professional then feel free to let me know in the comment section below. If you’re a lawyer in jail even better!

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