WORK-LIFE BALANCE / MAY. 11, 2015
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Were You Born Poor? Discover How to Make Everything Out Of Nothing

Was your childhood a bleak grey experience that would have made Charles Dickens salivate while creepily licking his lips? Were you so poor that you worked as a bartender, a barman and had a paper route before you graduated kindergarten? Well, worry not as humble beginnings are by no means an indicator of future success. Even if you are so poor that you have to rent an apartment at the top of a hill just so you can commute to work by rolling in an old tractor tire, you can still amass a huge fortune and dare I say, even change the world. Here are ways to make everything out of nothing.

See also: 10 Habits Of Remarkably Polite People

Hard Work

Ah, the merit badge of the impoverished. If you’re the type of person that tries to pick up your beer on the coffee table with your feet because you can’t be bothered to bend over, then you might need a different way into the 1%. Otherwise, what seems to be a constant in most rags to riches stories is the fact that people work ceaselessly to achieve a better stage in life. No, you lazy bum, that has nothing to do with video game stages. Some worked three jobs and overcame huge hurdles while doing so: homelessness, poverty and impossible to non-existing family life. “But fair author and dragon tamer” you politely say “most blue collar people work really hard, what makes some rich and others, well so poor that they have to recycle shampoo?” First, I would like to ask how recycling shampoo even works and secondly, there are a few other factors that play into success in lieu of humble beginnings.

Hard Work + Business Acumens

Acumens is such a funny word, no literally it looks and sounds ridiculous, like it has no place in the English language. That has nothing to do with our topic, but I’m driving this b*tch and if that means driving it off a cliff, so be it, you’re just along for the ride. Wait, what were we saying? Oh, right Acumens, as in shrewdness, insightfulness, generally knowing how to business. Can I use business as a verb? Damn right I can! [author veers precariously towards joblessness]. Although a non-physical asset, intuition and talent can definitely help make something out of nothing; if you combine that with a level of ruthlessness (What? you thought the business world was Unicorns and Marshmallows? Oh! You thought the business world was Unicorns made of Marshmallows! Erm, you might want to get tested for that) and a concrete work ethic, you have the trappings to become the next Ultimate Business Overlord and King. Take it easy Dr. Evil.

“Creativity”

Did you see the quotation marks above? Good, then you won’t be lost when I foray into this point. You know what? I’m actually going to sashay into this point, it’s so much more fanciful than boring old forays [author sashaying while performing jazz hands]. So when I say creativity I might be a little coy with the term, what I really mean is finding loopholes, untapped markets, “creatively” stealing other people’s ideas or even “creatively” (see hostilely) taking over competitors. There are numerous examples of this, one of the most famous being good-ole Sammy Walton of Wal-Mart fame. He started his career as a humble farm-boy, who then moved on to “creatively” repossessing farm-land during the Great Depression. His company has become the poster child for employee mistreatment, unscrupulous business practices and uses Lucifer as their business expansion consultant (although this last fact is hear-say, as with most nefariously shadowy organizations there’s a 99.9% possibility they consult demons and witches, while also dabbling in the occult).

That fickle mistress: Timing

This is one of the most serendipitous of factors that play into success, timing. Don’t be under the impression though that timing is pure dumb luck (it is that too, I mean the toothpick isn’t the most brilliant idea, but there was that one dude that said: “I should sell little slivers of wood to people so they can pick things out of their teeth” or the person that invented the spoon: “You know what’s convenient? Bowls. But you can’t put the whole thing in your mouth; I should make a mouth sized bowl with a handle” if those ideas came a little bit later we would never remember Charles Forster as the inventor of the modern toothpick).  If Bill Gates hadn’t come up with Window when he did, we would never say: “Look it’s like Windows, but better.” Also he wouldn’t be the billionaire that he is today, because someone else was bound to think that “we could sell tons of computers to dumb people, if they could just click on little pictures of what they want to do, instead of using hard words and letters.” So yeah, timing is a significant factor when creating something out of nothing, but ultimately it shows perception and ability to read the market, think what people will want not what they want right now.

Have an origin story

For some reason the uber-successful have epic origin stories. For example, Steve Jobs did buckets of psychedelic drugs and illegally studied calligraphy. Oprah Winfrey would win an Oscar if her life was made a movie, including living in abject poverty, being raped when she was 9, becoming pregnant at 14 and becoming one of the first African-American News Anchors on National T.V. Las Vegas resort magnate, Kirk Kevorkian, dropped out of the ninth grade to become a freakin’ boxer, yes a boxer, to help support his family. So unless you were born to and raised by a family of chipmunks and through a freak industrial accident given the ability to shoot meteors out of your ass, you might not surmount to much. Which actually is fine, because it doesn’t matter how rich you are, and how awesome meteor pooping sounds, passing a jagged rock through your lower digestive system is bound to be immensely painful.

See also: 10 Life Changing Lessons By Socrates

Do you know of any other ways you can rise up from a humble up-bringing and succeed? Let me know in the comment section below.

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