WEB & TECH / MAY. 12, 2015
version 3, draft 3

What Comes After the Internet? A Look into the Future of Technology

All human knowledge has been collected in a virtually bottomless and non-physical network available at any time and in its majority at no cost. Yet, most people use it to watch cat videos and porn. Oh, I was just informed by a co-worker that people also watch cat-porn, and if you’re brave enough you can search for that yourself. My constitution, on the other hand, is so wafer thin that it would most definitely crack under the pressure of the deepest depths of perverse sexuality. Just after a couple of decades of exploring the darkest recesses of our sexualities with the help of this very powerful tool, we have accepted the internet as a common commodity like indoor plumbing and electricity. It’s available to us virtually everywhere and access it from almost every device imaginable. We have internet connected toilets (yes, you read that correctly), toothbrushes, washing machines and even pots (both as in cooking and planting pots). Recently though, other than an increase in speed and every conceivable object being internet enabled, we really haven’t seen anything substantially innovative like the internet was when it was released to the masses. Is there a next evolutionary step to the internet or have we hit a terminal point for this technology?

See Also: Top 10 Ways Technology Makes us Look Stupid

We aren’t enabled

As I mentioned in the introduction, everything, absolutely everything, is internet enabled. Well, except dogs, hamsters, cats, lizards, geckos, frogs, whales, roosters, chickens, bananas, yetis and humans. If only there was an all-encompassing term for organisms that are biological by nature…how could you classify something that is both biological and an organism? Anyhow, these entities that have biological function and are organisms are not able to connect to any other network than their own neurological network (the mess of neurons and nerves that controls all of an organism’s biological functions) but science sat chagrined, slumped forward with their chin in their hands and their elbows on their knees, wondering what, oh what could be. Actually they’re like: “I hate how our mice aren’t internet enabled” and proceeded to furiously implant chips and circuit-boards into anything they could anesthetize.  This science takes many names including: synthetic biology, biotechnology or biological engineering.

They made a synthetic cell

In a process so convoluted it would seem like cats were released into a yarn museum, scientists take a cell, erase any genetic material present and then synthesize artificial genetic material (DNA). They take the DNA they’ve created (which I reiterate is lab grown) and introduce it to the first, (biological) cell. Just to give you a fictional real world example so you can understand it bit better, they’re basically attempting to build Terminator, the Schwarzenegger version, not the melt-y version with the pointy ears, see image above for details. OK maybe it’s the opposite as its synthetic material inside biological matter, where Terminator was a biological skin surrounding a metal skeleton. OK and maybe this is on a cellular level, so we are far from a full organism. By the way when did you become such a techno-cynic?

Brain to Brain interfaces

Currently the internet is an accumulation of machines that communicate between themselves. Some send information others receive. Well researchers at the University of Washington are actually attempting to do that between people’s brains, and I’m not talking about communicating through speech or the subtle and erotic language of dance, but via a lot of wires and a stupid-looking cap. These researchers are actually successfully beaming signals from one subject’s brain to another. Just as we’ve seen with other technologies, they go wireless pretty soon. So maybe in the future we will see a hybrid version of internet part biological server, part physical servers 100% mess up sex stuff.

Artificial Intelligence

If you’ve seen AI you’ll know that it’s a crap movie, but that’s beside the point. Movies such as AI, iRobot and recently Age of Ultron have shown the potential application of sentient technologies and interconnectivity. Some are good, some are bad and some are just straight up, Oscar bait. What, are we still talking about the movies or the actual A.I? I’m not sure. So, maybe the next internet won’t need keyboards, mice, screens, tablets or smartphones, but will be manifested physically in indestructible murder-bots or like the creepy monotone ‘kid from Sixth Sense’. In any case we will probably be running for our lives while the world burns all around us. Quaint little image for the future huh?

Transhumanism

OK, screw your crazy caps on because we are going off the deep-end with this one. So for the last few thousand years the human species hasn’t physically evolved all that much. We are still soft pink meat-bags, with ten fingers and ten toes (well most of us…I once dated a girl…you know what, I have to be way more inebriated to tell this story.), two arms, two legs and some other bits for fun. Well this group of maniacal academics, researchers and philosophers think that the next step in this boring, stagnate evolutionary step that we’re stuck on has to be forced with the shining, metallic arm of technology. The father of the transhumanist movement was FM-2030 (I shit you not, that’s his self-appointed ‘future name’) a futurology professor and philosopher and he believed that one day humans will integrate technology to achieve god-like intellect, physical and psychological abilities. How does the internet play into this? Well, what if we were the internet. A huge symbiotic wreathing, writhing mass of interconnected brains, intertwined with colorful wires and blinking LED lights not exchanging information, but having all of it circulate in our post-human hive mine. Sounds real appealing doesn’t it.

Immersion

So if we ignore the above kooky version of actual physical technological immersion, we do have the potential to become absorbed into the internet, at least perceptually.  Virtual Reality technology is being developed by some of the biggest companies in the world at the moment and has the potential to make all physical interfaces obsolete and redundant. If we wear the Virtual Reality headsets and have a non-physical interface (as instead of using a keyboard, you could just gesture in the air what you would like to type) we would never need another screen, keyboard or mouse ever again, and we could navigate the internet like an actual physical space (like a library, or archive) instead of like a book, flipping pages.

See alsoSex in Virtual Reality – The Biggest Money-Making Industry of the Future

Do you have any other theories regarding the future of the internet? Let me know in the comment section below. Or you can put your transdermal electromagnetic encephalograph cap on and think your response, just remember to put it in the comment section below and to drink a lot of fluids so you don’t pass out from over-thinking, it’s really not your strong suit. 

 

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