Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
version 6, draft 6

What If Super Villains Worked Menial Jobs

They want to rule the word, enslave everyone to gain power, some of them even want to devoir Earth. With such high ambitions though what would happen if our favorite (or most hated) Super Villains worked menial jobs as part of a work release program?

Bane (as seen in the Dark Knight Franchise) – Personal Trainer

Bane is one of the few super-villains that actually managed to better Batman. With the mass of a VW beetle and the athleticism of an Olympic Athlete, it’s a no-brainer that he would be very adept to personal fitness training. The disadvantage of having Bane as your personal trainer though is that he is quite unforgiving and intense so don’t expect to stop doing burpees until you’ve actually damaged yourself. On the upside of things, you’ll lose tons of weight when you’re in the hospital nursing torn ligaments.

Doctor Octopus (as seen in the Spiderman franchise) – Assembly Line Worker

Dr. Otto Gunther Octavius, or Doctor Octopus, was a very talented scientist until an unfortunate accident fused mechanical arms to his body that he controls with his mind. On first impulse you would want to have Doctor Oct work in a lab. Remember though that he is an extremely talented scientist that is hell-bent on world domination and that free access to lasers and acids would be a horrible idea. Instead since he has all those shiny extra appendages and a propensity for assembling things a perfect fit for our favorite mechanically augmented Doc would be a factory assembly line job. He would be cranking out those six cent happy meal toys at a million miles a second. The downside is that he might lace them with mind-controlling drugs and create an army of chubby little children to over-through the government.

Loki (as seen in the Avengers franchise) – Stand Up Comedian

His helmet alone is bound to get a laugh. He is the Norse god of mischief and the fact that his archenemy is also his adopted brother (Thor) is just rich with material for his act. He is on the other hand a master of manipulation so there might be a slight chance of him turning the comedy club audience into an army of laughing hooligans and have them riot in the streets. As Carol Burnett said though “Comedy is tragedy plus time” we’ll just after wait until after we return to organized society to get a hardy laugh!

The Sandman (from The Spiderman Franchise) – Playground Supervisor

Sandman is a villain because he hid in a nuclear test facility after escaping jail where sand - eradiated by an experimental reactor - bonded to his body, enabling him to shape-shift. As you can see he’s not the brightest bulb in the box, which should help him relate to the children. An added benefit is if the sandbox is getting low he can always top it up. Sandman doesn’t even have a downside as he’s a little too thick to plot and scheme.   

Galactus (as seen in the Fantastic Four comics) – Port Worker

Galactus is a god-like cosmic entity that drains planets of their energy and leaves them as empty husks of rock, floating in the vacuum of space. With his scale exceeding that of most planets, he would be an amazing Port worker picking up shipping containers with his thumb and index finger and we wouldn’t need tugboats as he could turn container ships around with one finger. The downside is that he is bigger than Earth and so it would be impossible for him to go into the administration building to clock in.

See also : Become an Office Superhero

Even though they are hated by most, Super Villains are important to any Super-hero movie. Without them it would just be a bunch of real buff guys in spandex talking about things which definitely wouldn’t be as fun as huge explosions and cars being flung around. What position would you give your favorite or most despised super-villain? Would you like to work with one? Let us know in the comment section below!   

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