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Why you Should Definitely Sleep Yourself to the Top

Using sexual favors to achieve status, promotions and raises has been undermining the credibility of upper management for millennia (probably not millennia but just go with it). Is it really condemnable to use your natural gifts to achieve your goals? No one would bat an eye if you used your propensity for problem-solving to get a promotion, or use your work ethic to prove that you have what it takes to become upper management. Then why is it so reprehensible to dress up like a Great Dane and play “The Fox and the Hound” with your boss? This is why sleeping your way to the top isn’t wrong.

Shake what your momma gave you

Kissing up, backstabbing and undermining co-workers are all admittedly negative and unethical professional behaviors, yet they are considered much more appropriate than sleeping your way to that sweet promotion. So what if genetics have delegated you to being a 6’2” 150 lb. pasty man with the smooth pink complexion of one of those weird furless cats and the muscle mass of a stick figure? Shake that divot where your gluteus muscles should be, there’s bound to be a member in upper management that’s into people with a praying-mantis physique like yours. Oops I dropped my pen.

Shmoozing and Smooching: how are they different?

Sales professions have been using the idiom: “Sell yourself first” for years. They take clients out for dinners, buy them vacations and have them stay at expensive hotels when they visit. These enticements have nothing to do with the sales-persons’ occupational abilities, these are inter-personal abilities used to seal the deal. Is that very different from you sealing the deal with a supervisor? Or how is that different than having sex just for personal satisfaction? At least this way you’re getting something more out of it than an awkward Good morning, an insincere ‘I’ll call you’ and a forgotten sock?

Decriminalization of Sex

So you are taking the moral high road argument that sex is unethical. OK, Saint Critical so you’ve never had pre-marital or sex that wasn’t an exclusive expression of profound, Notebook like love. For Pete’s sake even the people in the Notebook had sex with other people that they weren’t in love with. You did the dirty dance to get your rocks off, how is that more ethical than having coitus to work the early shift?

It kills two dirty birds with one convenient stone

Ultimately it’s convenient too. You spend tons of time around your co-workers and supervisors so why not combine professional aspiration with carnal desires? Everyone has them and you have a willing partner for some role-playing fantasies like “the company’s President and Vice-President in a broom closet”. With the added benefit that: 1. you don’t have to dress up to role-play 2. Once you get the promotion, your role-playing fantasy will become real life 3. It actually helps stress levels during the work day.

I have never personally tried sleeping to the top, but if there is a reader out there that has, let us know about your experience in the comment section below. Feel free to. Go ahead. Why isn’t anyone writing anything? Come on! Don’t you want to let us know how great it is to sleep your way to the top?


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