WORK-LIFE BALANCE / NOV. 11, 2014
version 17, draft 17

How to Work Hard & Play Hard

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You’re young with disposable income and enough friends and acquaintances to fill the club up like you were Pharrell Williams. That disposable income doesn’t come easy though and anything less than top notch, Crystal Popping party rockin’ bores you to bits. So how do you strike a balance between done-up diva and down to work young professional? Well here’s a few tips on how to make both work for you.

Don’t go hung-over to work, stay drunk

Going to work hung over and dishevelled is quite a big office faux-pa. Just go straight from the club to work and you’ll never have to worry about that again. Instead of having to wake up in a state between living and what a slow painful death must feel like, you will be dressed like a million bucks (since you’re at the club anyway), but you’ll be ready to dance at the drop of a hat! An extra benefit to this tactic is that you’ll have time in a taxi to reposition anything that might need repositioned and tuck in anything that might have been taken out.

 

Use the walk of shame as a networking tool

After a night of heavy drinking and socializing you met a reasonably attractive person as the bar is closing down. The next morning, sober and re-attached to reality after some awkward ‘good mornings’  ‘well that was fun’ and ‘I’ll call you’, you make a B-line for the door. Don’t waste your time on your walking home while looking at your feet but try to spot other walk of shamers and talk to them. As in many other social interactions a common point or shared experience is a great way to break the ice. Just remember to give them your business card at the end of your conversation. 

 

Can’t keep up? Red Bull will keep you awake

The problem with the human body is that it just can’t keep up with your hard partying. So you’re going to have to force it to follow along. Copious amounts of stimulants such as Red Bull, 5 hour energy and caffeine pills should keep you alert enough to for basic human interaction until the end of the day. For an extra kick mix all of these together in a shaker with a few table-spoons of instant coffee and you’ll be kicking your heals up in no time. Added bonus if you have a mild cardiac episode after you leave the hospital you’ll have the whole another day to party hardy.   

 

Start you pre-game before the end of the day

Time management is crucial when you are trying to balance a very active social life and a demanding career. Multitasking is a key skill to use when you need to optimize your party to work ratio. Nobody really likes you sober so why stay sober for the better part of the day? Worry not as there are many elegant solutions that will help you toward functional inebriation. Two such gadgets are the Tie Flask ™ and derogatorily named Wine Rack ™. The Tie Flask is a flask disguised as a tie and the other is a brassier with a hidden bladder, both are useful tools to help you become one and a half sheets to the wind before you clock out!  

see also: Companies-that-drink-on-the-job-and-why-they-do-it

When you end up in the hospital due dehydration, exhaustion and mild heart arrhythmia, remember that hospitals are a great place to score loads of feel good drugs! Just ask your friendly physician and he’ll be sure to set you up!  If you’re a hard working hard partying professional let us know any other tricks that you might have stumbled upon in comment section below!

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