Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
version 6, draft 6

Work Related Pet Peeves


We spend hours upon hours of our waking life at work. In the workplace environment, you have to subdue your true self, be professional and composed, because no one likes a mime that goes on and on about his tomato puree collection. Also mimes are not supposed to talk, what school did you go to?! With everything that’s required and expected of you plus pressures at home (I know your pet parakeet is a complete pill) it’s easy to find a few day to day things that grind on your nerves.

Misleadingly Heavy Coffee Mugs

Coffee and work go together better than bacon and eggs. Actually bacon and eggs are a pretty kick-ass combination now that I think of it. Especially when it’s combined with pancakes and maple syrup. Oh, yeah the misleadingly heavy coffee mug. This is the bane of my existence, this stupidly misleading piece of ceramic crap, teases me with the promise of warm, rich caffeinated liquid gold. Only to be left with my head fully tilted back and its bare bottom, mocking me. And then you have to play it off too, although you just held this goblet of disappointment over your head (obviously) empty, you still have to act like you took a satisfying swig. But you are only swallowing down deception and lies.

The Day Comfort Left

Sometimes you sit down in the morning, on a chair that has been so habitually used by you that it could double as a plaster mold of your posterior. And yet for some strange reason, a reason only cosmic beings are privy to, it is as if that chair has manipulated itself into a structure that was never meant to interact with human anatomy. It pushes and pinches at the bottom of your thighs (even though that doesn’t even make sense) it pushes you awkwardly forward and twists your spine like black hooded torturer. You spend the majority of your energy throughout the day shifting, scooting and pushing back against your bone crushing oppressor. Finally exhausted you hear a sharp ‘crack’ and everything settles exactly where it should be, but you’re not sure if the crack was you or this infernal device.

Perpetually Wrong

This could be a piece of office equipment or a height adjustment on a shared piece of furniture in the office. Every time you tweak until you get it just right, only for it to need to be readjusted when you have to use it again. And again and again. It’s like something out of the Greek myth of Sisyphus where he was condemned to an eternity of pushing a boulder up an increasingly steep incline that would stop at a point and roll back on him. You too are relegated to an eternity of tweaking and adjusting only to do it all over again.

Something Runs Out

This could be a placebo effect, but it seems that every time you print, you have to add paper. Every time you want to take a drink of water you have to replace the bottle, every time you go to the restroom you have to replenish the hand-towel dispenser. It maddening I tell you! MADDENING!!!

That One Guy

Every office has this, that one guy that seems to have some kind of super power for making people feel uncomfortable. I leave it at that, and punctuate it with and awkward pause as I stare directly at you…

What are your office pet peeves? I’d love to hear them in the comment section below...

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