Conspiracy theories are as old as recorded history and we either hear about them on the Internet, or we have a friend or a family member that is always up to date with what’s going on in the shadows. I always regarded conspiracy theories as a risky investment. Basically, you risk your credibility and people will question your sanity, but if it turns out you were right, then everybody else feels like an idiot and must endure all of your I-told-you-so’s. Maybe somebody wants to be a messiah so much that he must come up with a whole theory about the imminent threat from which he will save us?
One of the major issues of conspiracy theories is plausibility. A conspiracy theory with a credible story and motivation behind it is not hard to believe in, however, most of them lead to a secret organisation who fooled the entire world, just because Satan told them so. This is what ruins a good conspiracy theory – they are all explained by some higher power. However, there are some theories that are completely ridiculous, and knowing that people actually believe in them makes them more hilarious. I managed to dig up some of these insane examples, and I hope you’ll have a good laugh just as I did.
1. Satan was involved in the Ice Bucket Challenge
If only we knew that this whole summer revolved around worshiping the Devil. How could you Satan? Tricking people into donating money and helping those with a serious medical condition, how could you? It was all part of the divine plan – those people needed to suffer, and you rebelled once again and manipulated the entire world into helping them. There are numerous “facts” that support this theory, so let’s go over some of these.
ALS stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, but it also stands for Antichrist Lucifer Satan (huh, we’ve been addressing him by his middle name so far, I guess). If you don’t believe this, listen to what this lady has to say.
Lady Gaga wore a black dress during her challenge and instead of bucket used a silver bowl. This was Satanism 101, and the whole campaign lost its friendly façade. Stephen King, a horror writer and apparently one of the influential infernal lieutenants, joined the campaign, did the challenge and after that the cat was out of the bag. It’s over Satan; we know it’s you.
Additionally, Bill Gates set up a scaffolding to do the challenge in his backyard, and the whole structure resembled King Solomon’s temple. Now the temple is under investigation to find out how it is connected to the ruler of hell.
2. Adam Sandler is a prophet
It was the article on ClickHole that gave life to this theory, but it also revealed that people are in desperate need of a prophet, to the point where they would accept Adam Sandler as one. I mean it fits Sandler’s M.O, he discovers he has a power and uses it to goof around, classic Sendler right? Anyhow, here are the reasons why people believed this:
In 1997, Princess Diana lost her life in a tragic car accident. A year before, in the movie “Happy Gilmore” there was a scene in which Sendler looked at the camera saying: “Our Queen’s eldest, the beautiful flower, will wilt under a Parisian bridge.” During his stand-up act, Sendler uttered the sentence “Something’s coming to Waco. Something dark.” The sentence was connected to Branch Davidian leader David Koresh and the event called the Waco Siege.
Adam Sandler wore a T-shirt with the words “BP oil spill in five years” and this was in 2005 (I couldn’t find any proof of that).
This should be more than enough to convince us of Sendler’s uncanny abilities, and maybe we’ll start to take him seriously from now on.
3. Our leaders are lizards
Now we’re talking, the real enemies are lizard people from outer space who are, at the same time, Satanists and paedophiles. Antichrist Lucifer Satan, did you release your pet reptiles to control the earth? Apparently, the race of reptiles has been here for quite some time, and they occupy the top echelons of society. In other words, kings, queens, dukes, emperors and presidents are all paedophilic, Satan worshiping, lizards. Impossible, Adam Sandler would have warned us about them unless he is one of them. The only hope humanity has left is called David Icke, a man who has devoted his life to uncovering these mysteries and confronting these creatures.
I am just wondering at what point in your life do you stand up and realize that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was actually a documentary because this conspiracy really reminds me of that show. According to David, all of this was predicted by George Orwell, but as far as I recall, there were no reptilian sexual deviants controlling the world in 1984, it was ordinary people. We all know the government is trying to manipulate our community and that they do all sorts of crazy things just to stay in power. They are the government, what did you expect? However, saying they are lizards from space doesn’t make this issue any more serious. Even though it sounds ridiculous, about 4% of Americans believe what David is saying, and that is a lot of people.
4. There is No Moon
We have all been acquainted with the staged moon landing theory, but have you heard the one that states that the entire moon is an illusion? I don’t know the name of the guy, but he posted a video in which he managed to capture the moon as a “hologram” during a glitch. The video was a hoax, of course, and it was intended as a joke, or so I hope, but I guess people love dramatic revelations, so they believed it.
The original theory was that the actual moon is behind a hologram and that there is a secret base of operations there, which is visible during the full moon. I can’t help but wonder, what the hell is going on in your head when you even consider this to be a possibility? Why would you rather doubt the moon than the credibility of the grainy video you just saw? What is your problem with this space rock that you so desperately want it to be fake?
5. CERN tried to resurrect Osiris (Egyptian god)
It was high time we used science to resurrect old gods, after all, wasn’t this the whole reason we began to make discoveries? Remember, if one day the god of the afterlife and resurrection decides to rise, you asked for it. Allow me to clarify, when CERN built their Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in the underground base, a group of conspiracy theorist filed a complaint in the year 2008.
They accused the scientists of trying to create a black hole that will suck the earth out of existence. However, there was another theory, one that claims LHC was actually an intergalactic portal intended to resurrect the ancient Egyptian god Osiris. Well, that is oddly specific if you ask me, so it may very well be the truth. Besides, even if they were trying to summon Osiris, why would you sue them? Maybe they just have a Bring Your God to Work Day.
If you want to find more details about these conspiracies, just click on the links I’ve provided in the article, I am sure you’ll have a good laugh just as I did. And if you have any more conspiracies to add to the list please let us know below...