You are overly attractive and unattached because, honestly, you’re just too beautiful for mere mortals. Not only do you have a Greek god/goddess-like body, but your face would make cherubs jealous for its angelic glow, too. Don’t take my word for it: you would more than happily toot your own horn. Because, after all, you’re completely divine. Here are some struggles that only people that know their own beauty and worth will understand (because you are so much better than everyone else)…
1. People Not Appreciating Your “Me” Time
Most people have serious gripes about their bosses: some believe that they are overbearing, some think their bosses are micromanagers, and others feel too much pressure coming from the upper tiers of management. You can’t get your boss to stop badgering you for spending hours admiring your exquisite visage. The uggo simply doesn’t understand what it means to be godlike and that every reflective surface is an opportunity to bask in your own light… Those disgusting, ugly people will never understand. Also, those 140 selfies for your adoring fans aren’t going to take themselves.
2. Foregoing Meals for “Me” Time
I understand that you might have a hard time focusing, staying awake and doing your job in general, but it makes sense that you prefer to spend your time looking at yourself in a mirror during your lunch break than fraternizing with the unattractive and incapable, and eating something that could distort your excruciatingly attractive figure. Pft – so what if you pass out four times a day? It’s a small cost to pay to spend an all too short hour gazing into your own eyes.
3. Falling to Their Level
Not only are you blessed with unparalleled beauty but you’re also the most talented, capable and intelligent person you bother speaking to. If you want anything done, you have to drop down to a level so low it’s populated by human dust bunnies and bed bugs. It’s a disgusting, degrading experience, but your face creams which keep your beautiful face firm cost money and even the most beautiful, talented, capable, and intelligent person must work to make money. Here’s an idea, though: your face is so arresting that I bet you could print your own currency and, just through the power of your gorgeous façade, create your own economy.
4. Always Having to Judge Others
If you are above everyone, it’s a constant chore to remind them why they are so lowly. Nancy from accounting seems like a poor man’s Natalie Portman who was is a horrible face-mangling car accident, Tom from logistics seems like he had an injection of buttocks – not Botox – to his face, and Judy from reception looks like her fashion sense is in a mortal battle with her hairy upper lip, for your disgusted attention.
5. Being Called an A**hole/Receiving Vicious Beatings
You give them constructive criticism and they pay you with obscenities and vicious beatings in return. Although they think that being beautiful and perfect is easy, it’s not. Well, not for them at least. For you, it’s second nature to be perfect. They loathe you for it, too, because every time you tell Tim to shave his unibrow (its presence makes you break out in hives) he makes a rude gesture with his middle finger and punches you in the stomach. Jealousy is one of the vilest of emotions. It’s not your fault that you are so stunning that roses seem wilted when compared to your radiance.
Are you a narcissist? Let us know in the comment section below.