You’re eight hours away from being freed from your godforsaken job, in this godforsaken company working with these godforsaken people. Naturally, you can’t wait to exit the company’s front door for the last time – even if you don’t have anything else lined up. You might not know what’s in store for you, but you do know one thing: you want to exact revenge for every last-minute request, every bloodsucking deadline, and every late night you had to work to fix Deborah’s mistakes.
Whether your target is your egomaniacal soon-to-be-ex boss; Tim the know-it-all in accounting; or Deborah the stupid b*tch, we’ve come up with seven evil things to do to them on your last day at work.
1. Privately Tell Someone They’re Next
This is a great idea if you’ve been let go. Simply locate that one person who annoys the hell out of you and ask to have a private word with them. Be dramatic about the whole thing and tell them that you wanted to be the one to prepare them for the inevitable: they’re going to be fired, too.
2. Leave Messages on Random Blank Pages in Photocopier
Sadly, you won’t be around to see your boss’ face when a handwritten “I like penis” appears on page 37 of the company’s business plan, but that’s the price you have to pay for taking up that once-in-a-lifetime job offer. On the other hand, you’ll still be able to giggle about it in your new, private office your old boss refused to give you.
3. Duct-Tape Someone’s Belongings to the Ceiling
This one requires stealth, a stepladder, and lots of duct-tape. Unfortunately, you’ll have to stay late to the office to pull this off, wait for everyone to go home and then go to your target’s office and duct-tape all their belongings to the ceiling – you might need to employ the help of a few trusted friends, though, especially if you’re planning to duct-tape their office furniture, too.
4. Subscribe Internal Mailing List to Porn Sites
And lots of them. As many as you can think of: Brazzers, LiveJasmin, Pornhub, RedTube, YouPorn, XHamster, Xtube, and XVideos. You might also want to include gay porn sites like Baitbus, CzechBoys, and JustUsBoys, to name a few.
5. Leave a Raw Fish in Somebody’s Desk Drawer
Need I say more?
If, however, you feel like being more evil than the evilest of comic book and movie villains, you could go one step further and buy a can of surströmming (a northern Swedish dish of fermented herring, believed to be the smelliest food in the world). Put on a gas mask, open the can in their office, and leave it in their drawer. Think of it as your going-away gift from you to them.
6. Replace Words in Autocorrect
Perhaps the most obvious and most popular choice of all, but we’re not really talking about replacing words like “marketing” with things only an amateur will think of, like “marketing, y’all”. We’re actually a little more evil (and juvenile) than that. All you need is a couple of minutes alone with the PC of that workmate you absolutely loathe and you can change certain autocorrect words on Outlook or Word (or whatever, really) from things like “the” to “go f*ck yourself”. They’ll end up getting fired when they keep sending out e-mails to clients requesting that they fornicate themselves, and since you’ll be long gone by then who’ll think of blaming you?
7. Order Pizzas to the Office
Oh, that’s really nice of you! Order two dozens of pizzas to the office to celebrate your new career beginnings with your old colleagues, and make sure you order from the most expensive pizza place in town. Did I mention that you’re to have them delivered to the office the next day after you’ve left? And did I also mention that you’re to “forget” telling someone about it and that you’re to “forget” about leaving any money to pay for them?
Can you think of any other evil things to do on your last day on the job? Perhaps you’ve left your former job and done something wicked we didn’t think of? Share your tips and tricks with us in the comments section below, and help a brother or sister in need!
Disclaimer: The author and/or CareerAddict will not be held responsible for any damage to your professional reputation after you have performed any or all of the items on this list. This article is intended as an entertainment piece only. But – let’s face it – we all know it’s to aid you in getting back at your lousy boss and horrible colleagues. In all seriousness, however, carrying out any of these activities will make things difficult for you and your career – which is why it’s always important to leave a job on good terms.