Once every so often, we see beauty so stupendous, so astounding, so awe-inspiring that we turn into eye-popping, tongue-unfurling cartoon wolves – no, literally (see video below for archive footage). At the same time, we have seen this same bevy of bodacious beauties absolutely refuse to age. Is it pure stubbornness? Do they sit at the end of their day, fists clenched and screwing their eyes tightly shut while chanting “Don’t get old. Don’t get old. DON’T GET OLD”? No, I don’t think so (because, most importantly, closing your eyes too tight gives you crow’s feet). They follow a strict, almost military regime of beautification and primping to achieve their ageless looks. Here are ten beauty secrets of eternal beauty from the most beautiful women in history.
See Also: What Makes Sleep the Secret to Beauty?
1. Die Young
This beauty tip will keep you young forever! Although there are a few disadvantages to this method, it pretty much guarantees that you will be eternally preserved in the prime of your life in the collective memory. The downside to this is that you cease to exist. Ah, the price some people pay for beauty! The most famous that are representative of this technique are Cleopatra who died at the dignified age of 39, Marilyn Monroe at 36, Brittany Murphy at 32, and Aaliyah at 22. There are many more entries that I could add to this list, but I’ve made myself so depressed that it is impossible to type while shoveling Häagen-Dazs covered in Nutella-dipped Oreos into my mouth.
2. Salad Face!
Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor and even Cleopatra used olive oil as a means for moisturizing and nourishing their skin. It can be applied to the face, body and hands, and it creates a long-lasting protective layer and is full of beneficial nutrients – most importantly, phenolic antioxidants. Why ‘most importantly’? Simply because antioxidants not only prevent against degenerative disease, they have even been speculated to prevent certain cancers and help with cardiovascular health. Not bad for a beauty treatment, huh? Olive oil can also be used as a medium for other beauty treatments such as an exfoliator with the addition of sea salt, a hair conditioning mask (just cover your head in the stuff), and a much less abrasive alternative to chemical eye make-up removers. I don’t really wear eye make-up (unless I’m going to a punk rock concert), so you’ll have to try that last technique for yourselves.
3. Chewing yourself jowl-less
If you don’t know what a jowl is, let me explain: try to touch your chin to your chest. Have you done it? Good, now without raising your head look into a mirror. Terrifying, isn’t it? That swath of fat and skin that is now predominately displayed under your chin is a jowl. Now you know what the future holds for you, and it ain’t pretty. The 1920s and 30s archetype of minimalist beauty, Joan Crawford chewed gum hoping it would tone her jawline and reduce the appearance of the dreaded jowl. Not sure that it that worked but what really helped this stunning starlet keep her stunning stripped-down look was her almost religious dedication to facial cleansing. It was said that she splashed her face 25 times with ice water every time she washed. That’s a bit excessive, but finishing a warm relaxing shower with a scream-inducing blast of icy water will not only make your hair shiny but will also shrink your pores, giving you a youthful shine, beautiful skin and, possibly, pneumonia. It’s a small cost to pay to be beautiful, though.
4. The Bettie Page way
You might not immediately recognize the name Bettie Page, but I’m pretty sure that you have seen at least one person that has modeled their look after this ebony-haired and perpetually salacious pin-up. The role model and, dare I say, inventor of the “naughty girl” look, her curvaceous form was only made more unique by her famously characteristic fringed hairdo. Oh, she is also considered one of the first fetish models in history and a forerunner for tasteful erotica. Bettie was a fitness aficionado and an enthusiastic outdoors person. She would work out every day and she didn’t drink alcohol or smoke (even though both of those were extremely en vogue during her era). She also knew that her trademark bangs complemented her face’s shape perfectly. So, get out, run your not-so-little butt off, and ask your hairdresser what might complement your facial shape or body type.
5. Brigitte Bardot
Buxom, blonde, curvaceous and French, she made many a man and woman question their sexual preferences in the 60s. She was so stunning that I might take the liberty of calling her one of the first “sex symbols” of the contemporary era. So, how did she become so bodacious? Well… genetics, you don’t get that boob-a-licious, especially during a period without the availability of plastic surgery, without some help from your mama and papa’s DNA. So, stop crying into your chin whiskers; you can buy a set of those today (I wonder if they’re ‘buy one, get one free’? If not, some plastic surgeon should look into that sales strategy). Beyond that, Bardot was famous for her long eyelashes and cat-eyes. You can emulate that simply with eyeliner that curves up at the edge of the eye and fake eyelashes. As for her pouty lips: sorry to say, that’s also the result of being the jackpot winner of the Great Genetics Lottery, but thanks to medical technology, you can buy those, too (and yet another lost opportunity to implement the ‘buy one, get one free’ plastic surgery sales campaign).
6. The Bellucci bomb
Yes, I repurposed the term ‘sex bomb’ and replaced ‘sex’ with this statuesque Italian’s name – sue me. I don’t think that there’s a single person out there, though, that can deny that Monica Bellucci’s classical looks and womanly figure make her sex incarnate. With raven black hair and a face that could grace any Ancient Roman marble ode to the female form, maybe we could learn a thing or two about being beautiful. First, she perpetually speaks about age bringing beauty and I believe this is just as an important lesson as any. She thinks that women might lose their physical beauty due to age but achieve a different type of beauty that comes from a much deeper place: from knowledge, confidence, and experience. But she doesn’t rest on her laurels expecting to mature like a fine wine from her homeland; she practices yoga and swimming to keep fit, and believes that any exercise you do shouldn’t be arduous or forced. This stunning Italian stand-in for Venus is yet another person on the list that likes to use olive oil as a hair conditioner, using it at the root to nourish and to lend a natural shine to her shining black hair.
7. Scarlet Johansson
OK, you got me: my list has a little bias towards a more natural and less stick-figure-y womanly figure. I’m sorry if you like your women like you like your lattes: low-fat, skinny and without whip cream. I personally find that immensely boring. Anyway, Scarlet Johansson has a beauty that is not only universal but timeless. She can easily double as a 40s blonde bombshell (which she has in The Black Dahlia) or a leather jumpsuit-wearing action movie star (which she has as the Black Widow. Does she follow some sort of black theme or something?) No matter how done up she is, she still has a natural effortless air about her, and that’s not without good reason. She usually ops for natural alternatives to beauty products, such as apple cider as a face cleanser, honey as a face mask, and lemon juice as to exfoliate/peel. No matter how hectic her schedule gets, she always tries to integrate working out into her routine and prefers a good old full body regime opposed to yoga or Pilates.
Are there any other secrets that you know of? I mean, beauty secrets, of course (I really don’t want to know what happened between you and that camp counselor during the summer of ‘92).