Did you see that? Look, THAT. No? It’s a good thing you’re reading this article then, because there is a bunch of things that you just overlook on a daily basis. For example, the last sentence has very blatant emojis in it with a huge space after them. Did you pick up on them? Oh, you did? Son of a b*tch, fine, I guess I’m not as sneaky as I thought. These are the 10 most important things we fail to notice.
1. Life is stranger than fiction
OK, sure it’s not fun when you’re on the receiving end of a broken shoelace that made you slip and fall into a full bike rack which created a ruckus so immense that a flock of pigeons on the precipice above you synchro-pooed on you as they flew away. That doesn’t negate the point that this string of coincidences was so finely scripted that it could’ve been written by a brilliant yet humble writer. I’ll let that joke seep in; it’s not great one but I’ll let it seep in anyway, because I’m weird like that. Life is truly and unequivocally stranger than fiction and, even when we think our lives are humdrum and boring, there are things happening around us that even the most talented of creative people could never come up with.
Take for example the story of twins James Edward Lewis and James Arthur Springer. No, the coincidence isn’t the fact that they both have three names that both start with James, but the fact that they pretty much lived a parallel life even though they were separated at birth and adopted by two different families. They both married a woman named Linda, divorced, remarried a Betty, and had sons that were both named James Allen. It gets weirder though: as children, they both liked similar subjects in school, both had a dog named Toy, and they even got headaches at the same time during the day. It almost sounds like a Wes Anderson movie.
Yeah, right, as if I would actually write something as sappy as that.
3. The comedy of existence
Just like the entry above, we get so wrapped up into our own personal affairs and concerns that we negate to see the sunny side of things. We are like a dark yet delicious steamed dumpling, sticky with the residue of unfulfilled dreams, and dipped into the soy sauce of bitter disappointment. Even in the darkest recesses of human interaction though, some pretty funny shit can take place – for example, the stabbing victim that antagonized his aggressor with the phrase, “Whataya gonna do, stab me?” or the man who laughed himself to death while watching a British sketch comedy. OK, now I’m depressed and smiling at the same time. That’s my usual expression, though, so moving on. Even when life doesn’t involve horrible tragedy, it can still be pretty funny; it’s just not as funny (don’t look at me like that… you know it’s true).
4. The simple things in life
HAHAHAHA! What did you think this was? A Paulo Coelho novel?!
5. Food and intoxicants
We take food for granted; we shove it haphazardly into are faces attempting to push down the feelings of personal failure and loneliness. We drink after work, again to numb the feeling of discontent and fleeting youth. Do we really bother being mindful of what we are putting in our mouths… Oh my God, really? Fine. That’s what she said.
Food and alcohol are a glorious testament to human ingenuity and technology – oh, and it also keeps us alive, which is pretty cool. Think about our first ancestor that dropped a mammoth chop on the charcoal and said, “OOG BOOG BATAT MOOB” (trans. “GODDAMMIT, I DROPPED THE CHOP ON THE CHARCOAL. NOW IT’S F*CKED”. Caveman-ese is a surprisingly concise language). Then suddenly, the aroma of slowly roasted meat wafted through the air and just as that first ancestor went over to the fire to claim the now beautifully cooked morsel, he got snatched up by a saber-toothed tiger. Which brings me to our next point.
6. No saber-toothed tigers
Yes, we tend to overlook the fact that these large cats with huge teeth (so huge, in fact, they hung out of their mouths) once ate our ancestors like cats eat Friskies. Not only are there no more saber-toothed tigers but we have also managed to make their decadents our pets. Well, who’s whose pet can be argued but they don’t eat us anymore… while we’re alive, at least, they don’t.
Yeah, I know… this is an old and tired thing to mention when talking about things we take for granted, but be a little sympathetic – I’m running out of things to list here. Just 200 hundred years ago, people still used oil lamps to light their homes; they had to drudge out into the cold to get firewood, and had absolutely no access to porn. We quite often forget that we have the means to access any type of raunchiness our dirty little heart desires sitting right next to our crotch and it’s free. I know you can pay for it, but let’s be honest: that so last century.
Again, bear with me. I’m really scrapping the bottom of the barrel here; it’s not like I’m some self-help guru that gets paid to pompously tell people what to do with their lives for a better lifestyle and future... Not even 150 years ago, if an ale-drinking Brit wanted to indulge in watered down beer and artery-clogging hamburgers, it would take a whopping seven to ten days to travel from England to New York. Today, we can travel between the two continents (the European and American one – and yes, they’re continents, not countries, you ignorant boob) in a slight seven hours. Granted, those seven hours seem endless to us today since there is not a smartphone, tablet or laptop in the world that has transatlantic battery life, but remember: it could be worse. Imagine being without the food-posting potential of Instagram for seven whole days or 21 meal postings.
Are there any other things that you think we overlook during our miserable everyday lives? Let me know in the comments section below!