Australia Is Going To Be in the Eurovision Song Contest!


Step right up! We have bearded ladies, acrobats, and heavy foreign accents! Every stereotype you assume is true about Europe is wrapped up with pyrotechnic and laser show extravaganza and broadcasted every year in the Eurovision song contest. You’re welcome. Recently the ‘Euro’ part of Eurovision has been taken a little bit more liberally, and you can even see non-European countries make fools of themselves! The most recent addition to the song contest comes all the way from Down-under, also known as the most beautiful place in the world where everything can kill you, Australia!

Here’s a bit more to whet your appetite, there’s so much here…but I swear I’m done.

A Little Bit About the Organization

Eurovision or the Eurovision Song Contest has been bringing watered-down Euro-ballads for close to 60 years! It totes the record for the longest running television program in the world. It is watched annually by between 100 to 600 million people worldwide and is the most watched non-sporting event in the world (how many other non-sporting events are there though?). It has even featured famous artists ABBA, Celine Dion and Julio Iglesias. The appeal goes a little beyond just musicality and songwriting, check out the video below to see what I’m talking about. Just skip the intro and go straight to the song, its choreography involves butter-churning in super-low-cut traditional dresses. You’re welcome.

It’s Hilariously Political

If you don’t know, European countries have been at each other’s throats for, well forever. Although Eurovision was expressly established as a pretext to bring European’s together under the umbrella of light entertainment, old habits die hard. Usually, countries with similar political perspectives or shared history will vote for one another. So you’ll have the Balkans voting within their own geography, the Scandinavian countries will vote for other Scandinavian countries and some Mediterranean countries voting for other countries in the same area. You’ll never see Bosnians voting for Serbians or Armenians voting for Turkey, for example, due to their bloody history. Eurovision isn’t even immune from contemporary conflicts here’s the live audience booing every point Russia was given and the countries that gave them, due to their prohibitive stance on homosexuality and their invasion of the Ukraine. Funny how a conversation about a song contest dedicated to ‘light entertainment’ can easily segue into war, murder and genocide.

What’s Australia Going to Do?

OK, so the voting system is about as cliquish as an all-rich-girls’ high school that officially encourages bullying. But now the sun loving Aussies are going to be thrown into the mix, like the transfer student that came in the middle of the semester and smells funny. Who’s going to vote for them? Europeans are often shocked when you tell them that Australia isn’t a prison colony anymore. That’s how much they know or care about it. Well, they probably know about koalas and kangaroos but come on those are in kids’ books. Her’s a hint:

Maybe Turn on the Sexy

Look, all the stereotypes about European men being horny hound dogs is pretty much true, and that’s how some countries choose to get their song points. Take a young attractive starlet, dip her in sexy choreography and finish with a garnish of way too revealing be-sequined clothes. There are a lot of attractive Australians from Yvonne Strahovski (you’re welcome, oh the link might be a bit steamy for work) to Hugh Jackman (that actually sings, take a hint Australia), so maybe playing into sexy just might help them through.

Are you going to watch this year’s Eurovision song contest? What are your predictions? Let us know in the comment section below.




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