The latest motion picture "Horrible Bosses" isn’t necessarily a stretch of the imagination or an exaggeration. Even the film "Swimming With the Sharks" delves into the mind of the average worker. When an employer disrespects us, wrongs us or gives us the pink slip, we want to exact revenge. Most of us never act on that extinct. But, what if we did act on these impulses?
One should never reenact the scenes from both the aforementioned films. However, employee revenge is something that each boss should consider before they start tearing their subordinates to shreds in front of everyone else at the office. Who knows what people are capable of today?
Indeed, there is a long list of legal tactics that can act as measures of revenge against your employer or ex-boss. It won’t land you in prison or slap you with an expensive fine. Think of some of these revenge measures as being cheeky or mischievous. There shouldn’t be anything more nefarious than a prank that Dennis The Menace would undertake.
Just think of it as a love letter entitled "Dear Jerk..."
Here are 10 of the best ways to take revenge on an employer:
1. Prank Calls Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
Prank calls were a staple of our childhood. Before the Internet, as kids we would call businesses up and use fake accents to pull jokes, like asking for Hugh G. Rection, on the proprietor or employee. Today, the Internet has allowed us to conjure up more creative prank call styles with celebrity voice boards.
If you’ve ever scoured the YouTube landscape, then you likely have come across hilarious Arnold Schwarzenegger prank calls. These have been going on for more than a decade now, and they just keep getting better and better. It doesn’t just have to be Schwarzenegger; it can also be the likes of Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro or Alec Baldwin. There are even non-celebrity voice boards like Frank Garrett.
2. Excuse me, Did Something Crawl Into the Office and Die?
When your boss is a prick to you, or you’ve been fired, one of the best measures of revenge is to stick something smelly in the office and make it stink up the joint. Sure, if you come across a dead bird, that’s a viable option. Or, you can purchase a fish and hide it somewhere in the office to ensure a foul odor engulfs the entire workplace. Better yet, place it inside your employer’s personal office.
3. Nuisance Calls on a Sunday Night
Similar to prank calls, you can make some nuisance calls on a Sunday night at around 11 p.m., a time when your boss is probably sleeping. Sure, you can use celebrity prank calls, but you can also take advantage of nuisance calls by pretending to be a pizza delivery man, a telemarketer or a telephone operator. Whatever works best for you.
4. Good Old Fashioned Poop
Is there anything better than good old fashioned poop in a bag? This is the most common of all pranks: grabbing poop, placing it in a paper bag and setting it on fire. The boss will have no other choice but to open his front door and kill it before the smell reeks any further. Let’s hope he’s wearing brand new Italian loafers a la Principal Seymour Skinner from "The Simpsons."
5. Send Love Letters to Their Home
Does your boss have a significant other? Well, their marriage is a great opportunity for you to do something sneaky. If you know where your boss lives then, you can send secret love letters. You can write how much you love him or her and that you were glad you were able to spend some time together the other day. Remember, this could be the truth: you admire your boss, and you have spent eight hours a day with that person for a long time. So it’s not really being dishonest!
6. Post the Boss's Number in Bathroom Stalls
Whenever you sit in a public bathroom stall, there are always numbers written on the door asking for some, uh, sexual delights. Your boss can be inundated with telephone calls if you write his number on the door offering some pleasurable experiences. He’ll become very frustrated and be forced to change his number.
7. An Anonymous Message on Social Media
A lot of people have become frustrated with the job market and the way their office works. Therefore, these workers have taken to the Internet, particularly social media, to blog anonymously about their experience and tear down the company and their boss. It’s important that you hide your persona by not revealing too many secret details that could be attributed to you. Be smart, be careful and be cautious.
8. Take Their Business Away or go to the Competition
What’s the best revenge served cold? Hitting their pockets by taking your boss’s customers away and heading to the competition. You know what the company’s clients want and need, and the competition could benefit by having your expertise under their roof. The boss will definitely kick himself for being uncouth to you or pointing to the door.
9. Pretend to be Hit by Your Boss
Here’s an interesting scenario: you’re standing in your boss’s office as he gives you another talk or confirms that he is firing you. Well, you can pull an Eddie Guerrero and pretend that you’ve been hit or thrown against the door. It’s likely that no one is watching, especially if the blinds are down, or the door is closed. So, once your employer says, "you’re fired," lie on the ground with your eyes closed. What happens after that should be very interesting...
10. Biding Your Time for Karma
Do you believe in the universal law of karma? If so then perhaps the best kind of revenge is simply biding your time and waiting for your boss to get his comeuppance. A terrible person who treats others horrifically will eventually be a victim of negative fortunes. There have been numerous tales online of a boss who treated employees poorly and then had nothing but a stream of bad luck. A rude person is unaware of their actions so they likely wouldn’t be able to correlate the two.
In the end, just wait and you’ll see bad things appear in their life from time to time. Not that you’re wishing for this or anything...
Feelings and thoughts of revenge are things that only occur in your mind for a short period. After a good night’s rest, your devious plot goes out the window, and you just don’t care anymore. You have better things to focus your time and energy on, which is why simply allowing karma to do its work is the best option of all. However, if revenge is still on your mind three months down the road then maybe you’ll have to cave into this reaction and do something about it.
Have you ever exacted revenge on an employer? Let us know in the comments section...