Progressing your career can be an arduous thankless activity. Long hours at the office, boring networking events and traveling for work can get you ahead but at the cost of your personal life. As everything becomes more and more efficient with synergies and hybridization, it seems like basic human needs get subsided in lieu of success. And I know you have sweaty, hot human needs. A casual hookup can help you assess and feed that need, but can it help you with your career? After all, you don’t have time for a sticky hot liaison if it isn’t going to help you get that next promotion.
I Can’t Get No
Sexual droughts are a plague of the modern young professional. On the more ascetic end of the spectrum people can go months without any chitty-chitty-bang-bang (I’m using that as a euphemism for sex if it slipped by your rapier like wit, also it has nothing to do with Dick Van Dyke). There are a myriad of solutions for this though, let’s call them coitial productivity solutions. A slew of apps and websites are dedicated to finding you the right one night partner. Make sure to use your work address as your home address, so you can have some choice corporate pickings. There’s bound to be a lonely executive out there, just ripe for the picking (or humping whichever you prefer).
Most people go to Facebook when foraging for random hook up participants, but seem to ignore the hooking up potential of Linkedin. It makes it much easier too! You already work in the same field, so you have an ice breaker, you probably also hold the same hours, no scheduling conflicts! Another added unseen benefit is if your hookup is employed by the competition, you might get some insider information! Nothing like a bit of wine, dine and spy!
Office Romance…It’s a Great Idea
Usually office involvements of the erotic kind are frowned upon, but everyone always concentrates on the negatives. First, it’s a time saver: no need to drive across town, buy drinks and have dinner, your co-workers already know what a horrible person you are! But if you’re lucky someone just might say: “Eh, screw it I’ve got nothing else better to do…” with a defeated look on their face. Once everything is said and done hopefully that co-worker you had a “meeting” with will be an ally when it comes to inter-office conflicts and frictions. Or maybe not, especially if your random happens to be Crazy Alex in accounting. Hey, that’s all on you, his/her nickname is ‘Crazy’ you should’ve known better.
Shoot for the Stars.
When choosing and inter-office hookup make sure you go high, high up on the hierarchical ladder. The higher up, the more leverage you’ll have too. So what if they’re married? Show up on their doorstep naked and looking pretty (don’t look at me like that, men can look pretty too) and express your intention. If How I Met Your Mother is to be believed as a reliable source of human relationships, the ‘Naked Man’ strategy works two out of three times.
Is there another career benefit to random hookups that you can think of? Let me know in the comment section below. Feel free to also use the comment section as a professional forum for sexual liaisons.