Foods You Shouldn't Eat at Work

Sure we all enjoy washing down a healthy serving of charbroiled garlic with a nice tall glass of sour-milk. Unfortunately, some things are better enjoyed in the comfort of your own house away from the noses and delicate constitutions. A sour-milk and garlic brunch isn’t the only type of meal that you might want to stay away from. Here are some foods that you shouldn’t eat at work.


Soup may seem pretty innocuous, we eat it when we’re sick and in the winter when we need something to make us feel like we swallowed kitties (warm and fuzzy inside). But take a second to really look at soup, look at the color, the texture and the consistency. Now spill some on your lap. Make sure it’s not hot.

As you’ve figured out, since for some reason you listened to me and spilt soup on your lap, soup usually looks like some sort of bodily fluid when it goes on your clothes. I’ll spare you further analysis as to which ones… let’s just say anything that can come out of you. Furthermore, the risk of spillage is pretty high due to its less than solid nature. If you want to listen to me yet again I can prove it to you. Fill a bowl with ice-cubes and skip across the kitchen. Now do the same with water. Yup not only have you slipped on the spilled water and bruised your coccyx but you also are soaked. These are the unseen dangers of soup.


Garlic is great for you: it lowers your blood pressure, cholesterol and even can combat the common cold. It also stinks to high heavens. I understand, I also enjoy a healthy helping of heavily garlic-ed hummus from time to time but I usually allow for a stench dissipation period. Sure there are more offensive odors to introduce into the workplace like your potted desktop Rafflesia arnoldii (also known as Carrion Flower) but garlic is pretty pungent. Avoid it or enjoy the stink-eye that you’ll get from Tom in the next door cubicle.

Fast Food

Stop burning the couch and drop the pitch fork; I understand that office work and fast food go hand in hand. The reasons you should avoid fast food are actually ethical ones. If someone in your office is trying to lose weight you are setting them up for failure. Once they get a whiff of those fries and burger their will-power will completely secede to their need for bacon and cheese. You would make fun of a little kid because they don’t know the definition of accoutrements and then tell them that only people that know what accoutrements mean are truly loved by their parents? Well this is almost as heartless as doing that.

Slurpy Foods

Slurping up a large forkful of pasta is one of the most satisfying eating experiences. Digging into a nice big bowl of steaming Rammen and slurping up the noodles while the broth drips down your chin can keep a smile on your face for hours. Slurping comes with a few inherent disadvantages no matter how satisfying it is.

Splash back

As you slurp up your sauce saturated noodle or pasta, the end of that sucker is whipping around like it’s being exorcized. Any sauce that is on or towards the end of that noodle or linguini will eject itself violently in all directions. Your nicely pressed white shirt is in one of those directions.

Noise Pollution

Slurping is great if you’re on your own, have no girlfriend and are sitting in the dark. In public, it’s not really the most polite thing to do. Of course, if you can replace undoing your belt and the top button of your pants after lunch with slurping I’m sure you’d find tons of people that would appreciate it.

Are there foods that you enjoy but just don’t feel comfortable eating them at the office? Well then let me know in the comment section below.




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