For Those Who Think Their Sh*t Don’t Stink

Sipping this beer, smelling something not all too entirely enticing, I have to wonder what it means to constantly be around people who think that their sh*t don’t stink. What is it about us that makes some of our brethren so out of touch with their armpits and assholes?

A fine, fine question. Lighting a cigarette helps. And I’ll do that. As the dogs chase flies and lie on the couches and smell it up -- meanwhile a friend of a friend is sitting behind me and watching, for the third time in less than a week, the brilliantly written Django. This gentleman, if I can call him that, is brutal, obscene, needy, greedy, stingy, manic, ill. Needless to say, he is also smelly. (These are his mentionable attributes.)

As callous as it very well might be to write about him, literally, behind his back. He is prime rib in the world of writing about observances. In a world … where we eat … ribs.

“Get away from me!” he yells to the dogs. “You guys stink!”

The dogs then turn to me for moral and emotional support. But I am busy with something.

Does he not know he smells, too? And that they are dogs. Can dogs help how they smell?

Can he?

I say nothing and let the dogs simmer back into their role as … dogs.

The movie continues. However, we are pontificating, here, on the roles of humans -- those that cannot realize their own odors. Metaphorically. Maybe.

There are, of course, plenty of places where we can find and meet people who do not believe that they are capable of emitting anything which would deter us from wanting to be around them. This can manifest in a myriad of ways.

For instance: arrogance, avarice, mental instability, bad parenting, little to no emotional support, lack of love, refusing to use deodorant or just flat out stubborn indifference. Or Leo smoking a big stick of a cigarette, watching his underlings (on the screen) fighting to the death for his own pleasure. Clearly he, too, thinks his sh*t doesn’t stink.

Are there any people in your own life which come to mind?

It is awful, really. And it becomes that much worse when we are forced to mingle with these types. Over the years, at work and on the job, I have had to deal with a plentiful amount of people which believe themselves to be more than who or what they actually are. Little do they know that there are many unkind words to be said about them -- behind their back.

Is that the correct way to release these certain frustrations? Probably not. But we do it anyway. Don’t we? We tell our friends; we are adamant about our kept and maintained miscommunications. Or we are just plain mean. We figure it is too much work to even remind these distorted cohorts of ours that even they need to shower, so to speak, from time to time.

Unfortunately, I have been cursed with the ability to see through much of what other people profess to be their perfect and wonderful selves. It ain’t true. Most people just aren’t that wonderful.

And it’s also true that most folks won’t say what needs or should be said to the person in question. But I believe that there is a way of relating to other people, without being ignorant and crude. The way to do it? Just remember that your sh*t stinks. And when you remind others that their sh*t smells just as bad, if not worse, it is okay to do so, so long as you are cognizant of being capable of smelliness.

It sounds too simple. Doesn’t it? To antagonize another human being, just for being who they are. But if you use your words with purpose and discretion, it might just hit the mark.

Although I have the distinct feeling that if I were to tell my friend’s friend, who is currently behind my back, that his armpits are kicking … he might not take it so well. That can hardly be helped. And it shouldn’t be my problem. But, if it is, if his wafting tanginess of not showering is bothering me, while he criticizes the dogs for their indigestion, would I not be keeping him from being so irritated with what he brings upon himself?

This is the crux of the issue. It is not so inhuman to bring to another person’s attention that they are drifting through their own self-made glory. What becomes human, is a conversation. And if people can’t accept conversation, no matter the topical protocol, then they should be avoided.

It should also be stated that when bringing up the subject of personal hygiene, one must be clean his or herself. Otherwise you’d just be another smelly asshole.

Wait. What’s that smell?

Is it me?