How My Smart Watch Took Over My Life

I’m an average tech consumer, when I see something new I get excited, want it and then think of the practical applications it’ll have for me. Most of the times I manage to convince myself I don’t need that latest gadget, but recently I fell into a considerable amount of cash and thought: “hey, why not I should treat myself” it was a decision that I would come to gravely regret.

See Also: Is a Smart Watch a Smart Buy

Day 1

I think it’s unnecessary to mention, but I will much like any new device after a gauntlet of app opening, closing, changing of notification settings and vibration patterns the battery lasted all but 15 minutes. As it charged, I sat there in complete silence staring at it, watching the virtual battery on its face fill up and then empty, again and again, it was almost like I was hypnotized. Finally that battery remained a solid, un-flickering and beautiful green, I unplugged it and promptly strapped it on my wrist. To my surprise, three hours had passed since I had sat down waiting for it to charge, but now it was on my wrist and my restlessness had subsided.

Day 2

Even the minutest notification was beautifully displayed on this 1 by 1 inch screen, emails saying “are you big enough?”, Invitations for Farmville and even Twitter followers that were following other Twitter accounts were all conveniently beamed to my wrist, with a soft, polite vibration. I spent most of the day with my left arm perpendicular to my body, basking in the convenience of my father’s latest email with a dog riding a turtle video scrolling in tiny text on this tiny screen. My boss has been especially testy today, and even cryptically said: “If you don’t stop looking at that stupid thing, I’m going to can you.” whatever that meant.

Day 3

I set a reminder to eat three square meals a day, which would have been extremely beneficial if I actually had food in the house. I must remember to set a reminder to go to the supermarket. I got an email from my boss looking for me, but I explained to him how I was in the break room waiting for my smart watch to charge. He must have understood as he didn’t reply.

Day 4

The challenge of working and keeping tabs on my social network interactions has been too much for me to handle so I sent an email to my boss saying: “Must stay home.,,%smart  watchi.\ keping=mne busy-*” from my smart watch and it only took me 35 min. to type. I hope he disregards the typos and appreciates the fact that the email was sent from this glorious device on my wrist. Spent another three hours watching it charge.

Day 5

My girlfriend has left me a note written on primitive paper and ink, saying she is leaving. She has never left me a note before when she has stepped out which is anomalous, I even sent her an email, from my watch of course, but she hasn’t responded. I’m sure I’ll receive a notification on my wrist the moment she responds, so I’m not worried.

Day 6

I was hit by a car today, while trying to traverse a busy intersection that my smart watch’s navigation system said was a sidewalk. Luckily the car that hit me took me to the hospital and sat me down on the curb outside E.R. I am really happy I literally fell upon a good Samaritan. As the doctors tried to put my lower body in a cast, I was entertained by my dad’s latest animal riding an animal video.

Day 7

Desperation has finally set in. Not realizing that the lower body cast would inhibit my movements and with a complete lack of my smart watch’s very proprietary charger, I am at 2% battery. Every time the miniscule red line blinks at the very bottom of the battery icon my heart sinks. The doctor that came in today mentioned something about ‘catatonic’, but I couldn’t search the term because I was afraid that this would drain what little battery I had left.

Day 8

Because I tried multiple times to get out of bed to find a charger, the doctors have given me various sedatives that have made the last three days a blur. When I came to today, I screamed in horror for a solid 45 minutes as I saw my (partial) reflection in the black dead screen of my smart watch. The doctors sedated me again.

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Do you have a device that has completely taken over your life? Let me know in the comment section below. I’ll get a notification immediately!