I’m an average tech consumer, when I see something new I get excited, want it and then think of the practical applications it’ll have for me. Most of the times I manage to convince myself I don’t need that latest gadget, but recently I fell into a considerable amount of cash and thought: “hey, why not I should treat myself” it was a decision that I would come to gravely regret.
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I think it’s unnecessary to mention, but I will much like any new device after a gauntlet of app opening, closing, changing of notification settings and vibration patterns the battery lasted all but 15 minutes. As it charged, I sat there in complete silence staring at it, watching the virtual battery on its face fill up and then empty, again and again, it was almost like I was hypnotized. Finally that battery remained a solid, un-flickering and beautiful green, I unplugged it and promptly strapped it on my wrist. To my surprise, three hours had passed since I had sat down waiting for it to charge, but now it was on my wrist and my restlessness had subsided.
Even the minutest notification was beautifully displayed on this 1 by 1 inch screen, emails saying “are you big enough?”, Invitations for Farmville and even Twitter followers that were following other Twitter accounts were all conveniently beamed to my wrist, with a soft, polite vibration. I spent most of the day with my left arm perpendicular to my body, basking in the convenience of my father’s latest email with a dog riding a turtle video scrolling in tiny text on this tiny screen. My boss has been especially testy today, and even cryptically said: “If you don’t stop looking at that stupid thing, I’m going to can you.” whatever that meant.
I set a reminder to eat three square meals a day, which would have been extremely beneficial if I actually had food in the house. I must remember to set a reminder to go to the supermarket. I got an email from my boss looking for me, but I explained to him how I was in the break room waiting for my smart watch to charge. He must have understood as he didn’t reply.
The challenge of working and keeping tabs on my social network interactions has been too much for me to handle so I sent an email to my boss saying: “Must stay home.,,%smart watchi.\ keping=mne busy-*” from my smart watch and it only took me 35 min. to type. I hope he disregards the typos and appreciates the fact that the email was sent from this glorious device on my wrist. Spent another three hours watching it charge.
My girlfriend has left me a note written on primitive paper and ink, saying she is leaving. She has never left me a note before when she has stepped out which is anomalous, I even sent her an email, from my watch of course, but she hasn’t responded. I’m sure I’ll receive a notification on my wrist the moment she responds, so I’m not worried.
I was hit by a car today, while trying to traverse a busy intersection that my smart watch’s navigation system said was a sidewalk. Luckily the car that hit me took me to the hospital and sat me down on the curb outside E.R. I am really happy I literally fell upon a good Samaritan. As the doctors tried to put my lower body in a cast, I was entertained by my dad’s latest animal riding an animal video.
Desperation has finally set in. Not realizing that the lower body cast would inhibit my movements and with a complete lack of my smart watch’s very proprietary charger, I am at 2% battery. Every time the miniscule red line blinks at the very bottom of the battery icon my heart sinks. The doctor that came in today mentioned something about ‘catatonic’, but I couldn’t search the term because I was afraid that this would drain what little battery I had left.
Because I tried multiple times to get out of bed to find a charger, the doctors have given me various sedatives that have made the last three days a blur. When I came to today, I screamed in horror for a solid 45 minutes as I saw my (partial) reflection in the black dead screen of my smart watch. The doctors sedated me again.
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Do you have a device that has completely taken over your life? Let me know in the comment section below. I’ll get a notification immediately!