How to Smuggle Booze Into Work

Is your job just too hard to bear without a little pick me up? If alcohol is your beverage of choice to get you through the day instead of coffee, then you’ll have to come up with ways to smuggle your booze into the office. Some may scoff at this notion, but sometimes a job can be that bad.

Don’t be embarrassed if you’re considering bringing beer, vodka, wine or any other type of alcoholic beverage into work. All you have to do is allude to a scientific study. A 2013 Victoria University of Wellington study found that bringing booze to work can help improve employee relations, enhance negotiations, create a welcoming environment and celebrate company success.

Akin to sneaking alcohol into a music event or the movie theater, smuggling alcohol into work can be just as difficult. With nosy colleagues, a boss with his eyes on you at all times and other employees that will sing louder than a canary, you’ll have to employ clandestine tricks to bootleg your way into imbibing liquor at work.

As Homer Simpson would say, "Alcohol, the cause of...and the solution, to all of life’s problems." Well, in this case, alcohol can be the solution to all of our problems at work.

So, channel your inner James Cagney, Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson bootleggers from the old Warner Bros. films and use these tips and tricks to get your alcohol into work.

Here are 10 ways to smuggle booze into work:

1. Use a Water Bottle for Vodka

This may seem simple enough, but a lot of people tend to ignore this trick. Perhaps because it’s too easy. Anyway, grab a water bottle and fill it up with vodka. It’s effective because vodka is clear just like water so the difference is negligible. However, it is highly recommended that you don’t drink too much. Getting completely wasted at work is not a good idea. It is usually easy to spot someone who is drunk as a skunk, and you’ll also reek of booze. If a manager spots this then he/she will probably either let you go on the spot or give you a serious reprimand.

2. For the Ladies: Hide a Bottle Inside Your Ponytail

Do you have long hair and regularly sport a ponytail? Well, this is your opportunity to hide a bottle, or can, of your favorite alcohol in your ponytail. Try to ensure that it’s not too heavy because you’ll either break the bottle or hurt your head. Which is more important to you? OK, don’t answer that question.

3. Is That a Bottle in Your Pocket...?

You have two options here: first, you can either put a tiny bottle or can in your underwear. Second, you can purchase a special pair of underwear that can mask that product in your genital area. Of course, people will be asking: is that a bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? But it’s worth it! 

4. Fill up Your Tie

If you have a flask, then you can attach it to the back of your tie. Another option is to buy a flask tie. As other people are sipping on their coffee or cup of water, you’ll be drinking from your tie. On second thought, don’t let other people see you drinking from your tie or they might start thinking you are a bit strange.

5. Buy the Drinkmaster Hoodie

Hoodies are the in thing for any millennial today. If you don’t wear one, you better start. If you’re in the market, then be sure to take a gander at the Drinkmaster Hoodie, the ultimate drinker’s hoodie. This product features multiple pockets, zippers and other areas for all of your drinking needs. Forget the beer hat. This is the beer lover’s item of the 21st century.

6. Inject Your Fruit With Alcohol

No, you’re not a mad scientist. Just a clever person. Whether it’s grapes or oranges, you can inject your favorite alcoholic beverage into your fruit of choice. It may come with the additional taste of the fruit, but it is all worth it in the end. However, if this is one of your last resorts to smuggling booze into work then you may have to sit down and do some thinking!

7. Too Hot in the Office? Bring an Icepack!

Summer may be winding down, but we’re still going to have some hot days between now and the middle of autumn. Or, if you’re living and working in a place where it’s hot all year around, then you may want to think about bringing an icepack to the office. Now, it won’t be just any icepack, but an icepack filled with liquor.

8. Use a Can (two ways)

There are a number of different ways to smuggle booze into work using a soda can. First, you can simply empty out the contents of the soda can, clean it inside and then pour your alcohol into it (be sure to purchase a lid to keep the freshness). Second, you can use a standard beer can and purchase a Coca-Cola, Pepsi or 7-UP sleeve to cover camouflage your contraband.  

The former is a much better choice than the latter, but it’s your choice in the end!

9. The Transformation of Pringles Cans

We can all thank God that He invented Pringles cans. Why is that? Well,  Pringle cans resemble ordinary tall and lean beer cans. Therefore, you can simply insert your beer can into the Pringles can. It may prove to be difficult to drink from, so try to bring a straw. You can’t drink just one... Oh, wait. That’s Lays potato chips.

10. A Loaf of Bread

Nobody will bat an eyelash when they see you eating a loaf of bread. They would, however, be surprised to see you drinking from a loaf of bread. How can you do this? Clean out the actual bread from the loaf (you keep the crust) and place your can or bottle in it. If you like soaked bread, then you can even pour your beverage into the bread. It would be like some kind of weird trifle.

See Also: How to Drink With Your Boss - and Keep Things Professional

You’re not necessarily a drunk or an alcoholic if you’re bringing liquor to your place of business. Just ask any private detective from a Raymond Chandler story or motion picture. The dick always has a bottle of rye or a flask of bourbon in his pocket. But this isn’t fiction. You have to hide your booze at work because it’s socially unacceptable, even if your job is just too unbearable. However, concealing your booze and smuggling it into work may actually improve your productivity and help you become a model employee.

It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t overdo it and get wasted. You could be fired on the spot and be out of work for a long time. That’s a risk you have to accept. Moreover, smuggling booze into work shouldn’t necessarily be something that is done on a regular basis. It should be done on a Friday or on a day you know will be ultra stressful.

Do you ever bring alcohol to work? Let us know how you do it in the comment section...