You're sitting on the toilet, trying to pop that last Zoloft with one hand as you use the other to scroll through the endless black hole of emails, all labeled URGENT.
This isn't what you signed up for.
You get about an hour and a half of solitude each workday, broken into 15-minute intervals, and you're sure as heck not going to waste this moment plagued by the anxiety demons that invade your brain incessantly.
A deep breath and one last wave of semi-numbed angst, and you're back to the grind.
Great — let's wake up from that nightmare of a thought and embrace reality before the gilded professions snag us.
If you belong to any of these careers, bless you and thank you for what you do. And if you're considering becoming a doctor, lawyer, or CEO — do read this before you throw your life away.
Doctors: What You Think it's Like
House. Gray's anatomy. Midwives. Thank you Netflicks, I now think doctors are all dramatic, sexy and caring demigods. We pay them top dollar, and let's face it, after over a decade of school they kind of deserve it. When you fantasise about being a doctor, you see snarky but cute nurses (not to mention other doctors) that want to sleep with you, patients that both fear and love you, and children that adore you because you save lives.
Doctors: The Reality
Nearly eternal damnation to debt hell. How many doctors do you know who aren't still struggling in the death-grip of their student loans? Backbreaking hours is an understatement in this industry; irregular hours and on-call status reduce most doctors to a bleary, saggy-eyed, not-so-House-snappy heap of "please don't talk to me" existence.
Lawyers: What You Think it's Like
TV lawyers are either edgy, silver-tongued hunks or sleek and iron-willed, "smell my glorious woman power" glass-ceiling shatterers. Wherever they roam, wealth and prestige follows.
Lawyers: The Reality
If you enjoy brain melting hours of heavy-eyed paperwork, you might enjoy this profession. You'll really appreciate working as a lawyer if you get off on being controlled; the deliciously stimulating deadlines and the pounding pressure for billable hours, as well as a peachy conformance to rigid cookie-cutter structure — what's not to like?
CEO's: What You Think it's Like
The fast paced life of aggressive power and raw, primal authority; gift-wrapped neatly in a $200,000+ salary package and topped off with a bow of supremacy. Mansions, Maserati's, martinis and a massive reputation amongst the local populace.
CEO's: The Reality
Get ready for the goldfish bowl experience. If you thrive off of constant scrutiny by investors and the general public alike, this may suit you, but that's just the beginning of your CEO career growing pains. There's the obvious factors of severe stress relieved only by hours with your personal therapist (on the weekends, that statistically, you work most of).
Another no-brainer is the fact that your job security is a fickle snitch — once the word is leaked that you're incompetent in any way, say goodbye to your hopes and dreams. "But I worked so hard". Well this is still a capitalist economy and guess what — nobody cares. Also, if you like to work by yourself, forget that; CEO's only spend 15% of their work day alone. I would chug pills, seriously — but some people thrive off of spotlight attention and human interaction, so who knows...
Here's my last thought.
If respect and prestige is what you secretly yearn for, don't let that muddle your career choice.
Can you really trust a society that ranks the Kim Kardashians, Paris Hiltons and Justin Biebers above people who actually contribute something of value to the world around them?
America respects the gilded professions for both good and bad reasons, but unfortunately the weight on that scale is distributed on the money and power side of things. Yikes.
And we wonder why the world thinks we're shallow.
All I'm saying is this. Most high-paying careers are candy-covered balls of crap for people who don't belong in them. Don't follow the money — choose a career that you're best suited for and can love for the right reasons.
Image Source: Flickr
CEO Statistics: Business Insider