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This Is Why You’ll Always Regret Dating a Coworker

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You spend tons of hours with them sometimes you even tolerate them to the point where you might think you like them. Don't be fooled though because...

See Also: Struggles at Work Only Office Couples Will Understand

Dating a co-worker (or even worst having sex) is a horribly stupid idea. Why you ask? Well, you will have to read this article to figure that out, because if I told you off the bat you’d never read this would you…come on be honest with yourself.

Work Life Balance

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Ah, this oft-used, but never implemented phrase….this is a question I would like to ask you though…do you really want to take work home? If you start dating a co-worker, that is basically what you are doing. Sure they might be funny, sexy and ehm…blessed. The problem if you work closely with you cubicle and bedroom buddy is that any frustration, aggression and misunderstandings will inevitably boil over into your home life. Especially after you move beyond the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Beyond that, it's healthier to have someone detached and unbiased to give work related feedback.

Here’s a hypothetical example to illustrate…say you are having some issues with Douchebag Don. Although you want to go home to your loving partner and vent, Douchebag Don is your Hanky Panky Hank’s buddy…which should’ve been an immediate red flag. But, you’re a sucker for saggy Pecs in button-up shirts. So, now you have all that frustration building up, making you a ball of nerves, putting pressure on your relationship and before you know it…boom you are awkwardly working with your ex.

No Privacy

We all know how the office rumor mill works…nothing, absolutely nothing is sacred. I mean just last week Tom’s small bathroom mishap was blown into a full-out lavatory Armageddon that saw children and women being evacuated from the building due to the noxious fallout. What makes you think that your relationship with Mike will be kept on the down-low.

Eventually, Mike will talk about his unending stamina and kama sutrian sexual prowess (I know you’ve already mentioned how cute he is when he does that), creating a tsunami of whispers, hearsay and buzz, revolving around your person and Mike’s member. Best case scenario people will snicker as you pass. Worst case scenario, you get fired because many workplaces prohibit sexual relations between employees.

The Time Paradox

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Usually, lunch is time to step away from your desk, haphazardly shove extremely unhealthy food into your belly and go back to work. Sure, sometimes you would hang out with other people from the office as you stuffed your face with mostly artificial edibles while staring dead-eyed out the window. Now that you have a significant other at work, though, you will have to go with them to lunch once in a while…I don’t make the rules; they were written thousands of years ago in Sodom and Gomorrah using the blood of aphids as the ink. I think, I might have just heard that on E! Entertainment channel.

None the less, now any “me” time at work has the terrifying potential of being “us” time, and it can be…[gasp in terror] spontaneous. Stop dry heaving; it hasn’t happened yet; this is why I am warning you with this article….from the great beyond….um I mean from beyond my boss’s corner office.

Proximity

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The brain being the a$$hole that it is, more often than not sends us wildly mixed signals. Take for example the phenomenon known as Stockholm syndrome. Someone affected by this syndrome starts creating an emotional bond with an individual that is holding them captive or even as a hostage. Most researchers say this is the brain’s defense mechanism when overcome with great fear (ok to be fair there is a reason, if you are stressed and constantly on the edge there is a much higher chance of you acting impulsively and getting killed or seriously injured). When you spend most hours of the day with someone, there is a strong possibility that you will start developing feelings for them. This isn’t necessarily because you feel an attraction, but because you have a rapport with that person, a camaraderie, and you feel relaxed around them.

You sit across from Judie 9 hours a day…eventually you will start finding out things about Judie that you would never imagine were true, and some of those things are really hot. The fact that she is amateur nuclear physicist really floats your boat. You might even find something that both you and Judie do passionately (no you perv not that…). First, you’ll bond and then you’ll bone…probably. So proximity encourages intimacy and relaxation both things which help attraction, but it might not be attraction at all, it might just be you’re a##hole brain falsely telling you it is.

Over-Saturation

Welcome to the overwhelming world of over-saturation. Remember when the movie Frozen came out and everyone, everywhere and everything sang “Let It Go”? Well, a workplace fling has the potential to become your own hellish “Let It Go” on the perpetual the loop of a relationship.

Everyone needs some alone time…but being with your significant other for 8-10 hours a day and then spending the remainder of your waking hours with that same person can be a bit much. Also, you’ll see how libido-destroying it is to know a person’s every single quirk and tic. Which is basically what marriage is.

See Also: I Saw My Boss Kissing Santa Claus (how to deal with office romance of the imaginary kind)

Do you know any other reasons you might regret dating someone you work with? Let us know in the comment section below.

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