Even the smartest evil genius eventually needs a little boost. Trying to take over the world day after day can definitely exhaust you, make you hazy and inhibit your ability to assemble even the simplest of death rays. Fear not though deviant mastermind, these are some foods that will boost your cerebral activity in no time.
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1. The immense unbridled power of whole-grain
The brain works exclusively on high octane glucose, but as anyone with a motorsports engineering degree, or fan of Nascar know (I know I’m giving them more credit than they deserve, but hey word-counts right?), high octane fuels burn quick. Whole grain food on the other hand, releases glucose into the blood-stream slowly, keeping that brain-engine working all day long!
2. Vitamin C – It’s not for colds anymore
Vitamin C does not only shorten the common cold, (allegedly, don’t believe big Pharma) but it can also boost cognitive agility.
3. Oily Fish – Gross! Really?
Relax your Darkness, I don’t mean taking a fish and oiling it, I’m talking about fish that have high levels of fatty acids, also known as ‘oily fish’. Salmon, trout, sardines and kippers are all part of that group, so go out and get your oily on.
4. Be a Sage with Sage
Ha! Puns, the quintessential tool for any writer. But seriously, the herb sage can boost cognition and memory. You can put it in food or even drink it as a tea. Look at me, now I am the Sage (imparting all kinds of crazy knowledge on you).
5. The Blueberry Connection
Tufts University has conducted a study that suggests that blueberries improve short term memory. So, if you have haplessly wandered into a room and then wondered why you were there, just binge on some blueberries. Added benefit is that your mouth will turn dark blue making you look even wickeder than before.
6. Sunflower/ Pumpkin seeds
Put them on salads or in your muesli, or just nibble on them, creating a disgusting pile of saliva drenched casings, on your desk.
7. Peanut Butter
Just like the seeds above, peanut butter is packed with so much vitamin E it could open a vitamin E EBay store and sell it online. Oh, maybe I should mention vitamin E helps memory.
8. Winos never forget
OK, maybe that’s an over-estimation, but moderate consumption of alcohol has been proven to reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s. Dude, stop drinking, I said moderate, excessive consumption can have the exact opposite effect. Also, how will you take over the world if all you want to do is hug people and let them know how much you love them?
9. Eggs for Egg-heads
Yup, those sunny-side up chicken embryos can help the brain make substances that help communication amongst brain cells. You can also have them in the most macho way possible, in what I affectionately call a ‘Rocky’ Shake. Crack six eggs into a glass, then drink.
10. Eat your greens
Sit down and stop acting like a spoiled 5 year old. Broccoli, kale, spinach and anything else that’s green (and edible smart-ass) is rich in vitamin K, which enhances brainpower. No, it will not help you shoot lasers out of your eyes.
Are there any other brain foods I skipped? Let me know in the comment section below. No, brains are not a brain food, who let the zombie in guys?