If someone in your LinkedIn professional network is a marketer, then you would endorse them for search engine optimization. Likewise, if you have a connection who’s a writer, then you would endorse that scribe for editing. This is just common sense. However, there are many people out who will endorse you for the strangest things. And at times, this is referred to as ‘endorsement bombing’.
As time goes by, it’s likely that LinkedIn’s endorsements feature will go to the waste basket because it’s quickly proving to be worthless. Not only can any person endorse a connection but they can also endorse people for the oddest, most hilarious things. What an idea? Here’s just a glimpse: slicing bread, sex and stalking.
LinkedIn has proven to be a valuable tool in the sea of social networks. However, it may have to improve its system if it wishes to survive against the likes of Workplace by Facebook (formerly Facebook at Work) and the plethora of other social media outlets for business professionals. The concept of endorsements may be the first step.
Here are the top 25 funniest LinkedIn endorsements.
25. Healthy lifestyles
It’s a wonderful thing that you can wake up at 5:45am, go for a 30-minute run, return home to eat a healthy breakfast, bike to work, imbibe a protein shake for lunch, walk home, do some more exercise, perform a 20-minute yoga session and get nine hours of sleep. We’ll just go back to waking up half an hour before work, drinking several cups of coffee, eating a steak for lunch, driving home and sitting in front of the television for six hours.
24. Paranormal romance
Have you been dating a ghost? Are your flirting with a witch? Is there an infatuation going on with a spirit? If there is, then congratulations! We hope you’ll be happy. Because you achieved such a thing, we’ll be sure to endorse you on LinkedIn.
Let’s be honest: you’re so good at potentially giving yourself cancer, gingivitis and heart failure that you’ve earned an endorsement. The way you breathe in that tobacco-laden smoke is impeccable. How can you be so good at dying a slow death?
22. Small talk
You are the master of small talk. You are a perfectionist when it comes to the cringe-worthy stop and chat. When you see someone on the street or you come across a colleague at the water cooler, you can dive into conversation about the weather or a local news event like nobody’s business. For the offices that do not have enough small talk, you deserve the endorsement. No! You’ve earned it.
Are you a good counter? Really, are you a great counter? Can you count one, two, three... without any difficulty whatsoever? Well, that skill deserves an endorsement. What other person in the world can count to infinity?
Endorsed in YouTube? Guess who’s computer will need to be monitored? After being discovered for your skills in YouTube, IT will be keeping track of your Internet activity to ensure you aren’t goofing off at 11am watching funny cat videos.
If you’re a millennial, then being astute in the field of memes may be your biggest asset. Well, not really, but at least potential human resources managers will know that when the office needs a poster of a hilarious meme, you will be the man/woman for the job.
If someone in your office is seeking some romance, a weekend getaway or a rendezvous during lunchtime, then you’re likely to be the person for it. Ever since colleagues have noticed that you’ve been endorsed for romance on LinkedIn, men and women have been interested in you more and more.
There are two reasons you were endorsed for puns: you either made somebody laugh or you annoyed the heck out of them. Being punny can only be hilarious for so long until someone wants to pull their eyes out of their sockets and burn their ears with a fiery Q-tip.
Many say that the art of apologising is slowly being wiped away from our etiquette. Well, no one is actually saying that, but you’re very good at apologising. Not only do you make many mistakes that you need to apologise for, you’ve also developed numerous ways, techniques and sayings to utter the words ‘I’m sorry’. Truly one of the most sought-after LinkedIn skills!
Ew! You have a virus? Okay. Many of us will just have to stay away from you for quite a long time. You were endorsed for a virus, so you are likely skilled at transferring it to others. We don’t want to be sick but if you do, then all power to you!
14. Spring Cleaning
When the cleaning crew is out of town, the company will tap your spring cleaning skills to dust around the office and vacuum those carpets. How did you become so good at cleaning, anyway? It must’ve been those incentives growing up: ‘If you don’t clean those windows, then you won’t get a Big Mac!’ Ah, the good old days!
You’re the happiest person in the office. You just can’t stop smiling. Everything makes you grin from ear to ear and show off your pearly whites: deadlines, heavy workloads, the resident office drama queen and your supervisor picking his teeth after work. You just smile and smile without a care in the world. How do you do it?
12. Walking stairs
Walking up or walking down, it doesn’t matter. You’re so good at this. Every step you take is a work of art. What’s even more impressive is that after you have completed your three-storey walk up, you are not out of breath like many of your fellow workers. Perhaps this is the reason you were endorsed for this.
When someone is down at the office, a co-worker of yours has lost his or her job, or someone just finished watching the ending of It’s a Wonderful Life, they’ll just walk into your arms. You were endorsed for hugs, so now show off just how good you are at this.
10. Drinking water
In order to sustain life, we all must drink water. Without this nectar of the gods, we would die, our species would vanish and there wouldn’t be any more televangelists! Oh, the humanity! The next time there’s a water drinking competition in your office, be sure to allude to your drinking water endorsement on LinkedIn. Your betting odds will greatly increase.
You breathe like no other person has breathed before. The way you inhale and exhale, the way you breathe through your nose and your mouth is simply incredible. Someone may have to call the Nobel committee and inform them of your outstanding achievements in this field. What brilliance!
Everybody eats, some more so than others. Whatever the case, you’re very good at eating. The way you grab your fork with food and put it into your mouth and proceed to chew is just remarkable. If there was an Olympic event for eating, you’d win the gold medal! The next best thing is an endorsement.
If the office turns into a boxing ring or if the boss is incorporating fighting into the business model to boost morale, then everyone knows you’re the man. Since you received an endorsement for punching, you have become the most badass in IT or accounting.
If there is one characteristic that you have that annoys people to the fullest, it’s your sarcasm. During meetings, you’re sarcastic. During dinner, you’re sarcastic. During friendly chit chat, you’re sarcastic. Every fibre of your being is sarcastic. This certainly requires an endorsement. Not!
Let’s thank the heavens that you’ve been endorsed for this skill. We’d be frightened if you weren’t!
Who knew that stalking was a fine attribute to have? Aside from making a woman’s skin crawl, violating the law and creeping out every single person you work with, there’s nothing really wrong with stalking…
3. Adult diapers
Um, good work? Seriously, if you’re under the age of 65 and you’re sporting adult diapers, then all the power to you. Some of us couldn’t, but you can, so good job! At least it saves you on laundry.
Perhaps the bigger question here is: how in the blue heck can somebody endorse you for your underwear if they haven’t seen you in it? Oh…
Whether you’re a man or a woman, the general public – particularly potential hiring managers and employers – will know that if they need to have paid sex, then you are perhaps the person to go to. You may not actually be a sex worker but you were endorsed for prostitution. Didn’t you know?
If you take LinkedIn seriously, then perhaps some of these endorsements should be ignored. On the other hand, if you don’t take LinkedIn as seriously as some of your peers do, then these are definitely endorsements to induce a chuckle or two.
Online endorsements are questionable for employers because the real story and authenticity come into question. So, either way, it isn’t the end of your chances of landing a lucrative position.
What’s the most ridiculous and hilarious LinkedIn endorsement you ever received or provided? Let us know in the comments section below, and tell us which LinkedIn skills have gotten you into trouble!